Search Results for "don't know my job"
Share September 29, 2011's comic on:
Coworker: I put the data on a Flash drive for you. Dilbert: Get that thing away from me. I don't know where it's been. Coworker: I hope you mean the Flash drive and not my hand. Dilbert: I did. But you raise a good point about the hand.
Share May 01, 1998's comic on:
The Boss and Alice sitting at table. The Boss says, "Alice, I checked with the other managers; they don't know you well enough to promote you." The Boss continues, "So we've decided to hire someone from outside the company." Alice is stunned. As Alice exits the room, she says, "At least the other managers have heard my name now." The Boss replies, "I didn't use your real name."
Share October 14, 1998's comic on:
Caption: Somewhere in Elbonia. Dilbert stands waist high in snow holding his briefcase. Two Elbonians in big hats and long beards stand across from him. Dilbert says, "I've been sent to teach you cobol." Elbonian man says, "We don't have any computers." Dilbert says, "That's okay. I don't know cobol." Dilbert and the two Elbonians pretend to type on imaginary keyboards. Dilbert says, "...And if you had a keyboard, you would od this." Elbonian says, "Oops.. how do I delete?"
Share April 18, 2000's comic on:
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit together at a table. Wally says to the Boss, "I've been taking a self-paced online training course to sharpen my saw". The Boss replies, "What's the subject?" Wally answers, "I don't know." Frustrated with Wally's response, the Boss throws both arms in the air and yells, "How could you not know?" Wally answers, "What part of self-paced is confusing you?"
Share October 13, 2000's comic on:
The boss is standing with a worker and says to Dilbert, "Here's the new guy. I don't know his name." The boss continues, "He's either rude or shy. No one knows for sure." The boss says, "If you figure it out, name hime either Shilo or Rudy."
Share April 16, 2000's comic on:
The Boss' phone rings and he thinks to himself, "Again? That thing rang last week, too." A telephone company representative calls the Boss. "Hello. May I interest you in long distance phone service?" The Boss replies, "How long is it?" The telephone representative answers, "Umm...it's very long. Extremely long." The Boss replies in a demanding manner with one arm thrust in the air, "I need to know exactly how long it is!" The Boss continues to say, "If it's too short I'll have to shout the last mile! I hate that." The telephone respresentative replies, "Okay...it's fifty miles long." The Boss responds, "No, thanks. I don't know anyone fifty miles away."
Share March 30, 2008's comic on:
Dilbert: The security audit accidentally locked all of the developers out of the system. The Boss: Well. It is what it is. Dilbert: How does that help? The Boss: You don't know what you don't know. Dilbert: Congratulations. You're the first human to fail the turing test. The Boss: What does that mean?Um... Dilbert: It is what it is? The Boss: Why didn't you say that in the first place?
Share December 15, 2007's comic on:
Tina: I don't know you. Why are you in this meeting? Wally: "I'm creating the illusion of work by conflating the concepts of attendance and productivity." "You should leave." Wally: "And who should I say hates teamwork?"
Share April 15, 2001's comic on:
Dogbert is sitting at a conference table across from Dilbert and Alice and flanked by the boss and Wally. Dogbert says, "What is your most valuable asset?" Wally says, "Employees?" The boss stifles a laugh "Hee" Dogbert says, "Your most valuable asset is rampant ignorance." Dogbert continues, "For example, you would never start a project if you knw how much it would really cost." Turning to Wally, Dogbert says, "Employees stay here because they don't know there are better jobs across the street." Wally says, "What?" Turning to the boss, Dogbert says, "Customers buy your products because they don't know about all the bugs." The boss says, "Good point." Holding a trashcan, Dogbert says, "I recommend wearing trash cans on your heads to avoid any accidental exposure to knowledge." An employee, wearing a trashcan over his head, says, "Did he tell you he was a consultant?" Another trashcanned employee says, "He said he was selling trash cans."
Share June 10, 2014's comic on:
Dilbert: The problem is that we don't know what we don't know. Coworker: You stole that saying from me. Dilbert: It's a common saying. I've been using it for years. Coworker: No, you stole it from me. Dilbert: This is officially the dumbest conversation I've ever had. Coworker: That's my other saying!