Don't Run With Scissors Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Don't Run With Scissors

View 1 - 10 results for don't run with scissors comic strips. Discover the best "Don't Run With Scissors" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2013's comic on:

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #values, #don't run with scissors, #ask for raises, #employee values, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2005's comic on:

Tags #evil director, #fly on plane, #guidelines, #key employees, #ceo, #presdient, #same flight, #interns, #run with sciccors, #plastic bags, #over heads

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I have new guidelines on who can fly on the same plane." "We can't risk losing too many key employees." "The CEO and the president are not allowed to be on the same flight." "No more than three vice presidents may be on the same flight." "What are the guidelines for interns?" "Infinite interns are allowed on the same flight. You are also allowed to run with scissors and put plastic bags over your heads." "How many interns are allowed per plastic bag?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #common sense, #school, #todd, #scissors, #russell, #dont, #run, #aaagh, #left handed, #teacher, #hand

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert hands a man a pair of scissors and says, "Todd, show the class how you hand these scissors to Russell." Dogbert yells, "Don't run! Don't run!" Russell screams. Todd looks down at Russell, who is lying on the floor, and says, "Sorry, Russell. It's the teacher's fault; he didn't even ask if I need left-handed scissors."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 29, 2004's comic on:

Tags #boss's boss, #misinformed, #mismanaged, #oss confused, #poorly managed, #dont communicate

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: "Gaaa! Our boss's is coming!" Dilbert: "Where?" Zoop "Uh oh." "Hello, head count." Dilbert: "I need to run, tons of work." "Why? Are you poorly managed?" Dilbert: "No, we have everything we need! Everything is perfect." "So... was your boss confused, lying or misinformed when he asked me for more funding for your budget?" Dilbert: "Noooo! Ignore me! I don't know anything." "Hmm." "Dilbert says you don't communicate with the staff and don't need money." Dilbert: "Phew! I'm glad that's over."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2003's comic on:

Tags #dilbert died, #funeral, #casket, #running with sciccors, #what does mean, #pastor, #newspapaer slots open, #money, #ka ching

View Transcript

Transcript

WHos Todays Guest Cartoonist? ...when I first heard Dilbert had died while running with scissors,I , too was stunned.I too, asked "whats it all mean?" That 2, 247 newspaper slots are now wiiiiide open , baby! ...ka-ching! ka-Ching! ...sorry about the ka -things. *answer: go to Dilbert.com

Dilbert Characters

Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything

Thank you for voting.
Everyone Says You Disagree With Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2018's comic on:

Tags #accusation, #catch-22, #rebuttal, #defensive

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Everyone says you aren't being a team player because you keep disagreeing with everything. Dilbert: Everyone does not say that, and I don't disagree with everything. Boss: There you go again. You'd be a terrible lawyer. Dilbert: Thank you.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Food, #toaster, #shoot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert holds a slingshot and stands near a counter with a toaster on it. Dogbert says, "Pull!" Dogbert shoots a piece of toast as it pops into the air. Dogbert says, "People who don't play with their food are missing a lot."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1989's comic on:

Tags #hair, #invention, #shirt, #pocket

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk working with scissors and Velcro. He says, "There . . . perfect." Dilbert asks, "What's that, Dogbert?" Dogbert answers, "I've created the Velcro shirt pocket! It attaches to your chest hairs while swimming or showering." Dilbert looks at the pocket and says, "Hmm . . . might work." Dogbert says, "You may also be interested in my new Velcro chest hair."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1989's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hot line, #telephone, #forehead, #phone calls

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert points to a telephone on the desk and says to Dogbert, "This is the new 'hot line' phone to the Kremlin. My company won the bid to engineer the new model." Dilbert says as he walks away, "That's a fully functional prototype, so don't mess with it." Dogbert picks up the phone and says, "So, Gorby, I understand you've been finger-painting with your forehead . . ."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #programmer, #supervisor, #mastering, #instruction, #manual, #pants, #tim

View Transcript

Transcript

Peter says to Dilbert and a woman, "Yesterday I was a computer programmer and today I'm your new supervisor." Peter tugs at his pants and says, "The hardest part is mastering these dang management clothes. Did you know they don't come with an instruction manual?" Peter's pants fall to his ankles and he says, "I'll have to call their '800' help line again."