Dot Commer Comic Strips

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11 Results for Dot Commer

View 1 - 10 results for dot commer comic strips. Discover the best "Dot Commer" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #professional liar, #why kind of lie, #lousy movie, #cover of lousy book, #dot commer, #filthy, #have limits, #mena, #liar mad

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Dogbert sits at a desk in the window of a storefront. The sign outside says "Professional Liar." A man looks in the window. The man is sitting across the desk from Dogbert. Dogbert asks, "What kind of lie do you need?" The man says, "It's... It's embarrassing." Dogbert says, "Are you a producer who needs a good review for a lousy movie?" The man says, "No." Dogbert asks, "Are you an author who needs a slobbering quote for the cover of your lousy book?" The man says, "It's worse than that. Much worse." Dogbert says, "Worse? That could only be... aaack!" Dogbert exclaims, "Find someone else, you filthy dot-com founder! I have my limits!" The man is now sitting at a desk with a man in a suit. The man says, "... And since your firm underwrote our IPO..." The man in a suit says, "Would I get to be on TV?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #billion shares, #dot com subsidary, #fire everyone, #presdient, #raise, #stock, #promoting

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm promoting you to president of our dot-com subsidiary." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Your job is to fire everyone." Dilbert asks, "Would I get a raise?" The Boss answers, "How does a billion shares of stock sound?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dot com ceo, #no profit, #laid off, #laid off means, #compliment, #baby bottle, #youngsters, #meeting, #firing people, #business

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DILBERT: DOT-COM CEO: Dilbert sits at the head of a table and children sit in seats around the table. One of the children has a baby bottle at his place. Dilbert says, "We have no profit now and we never will. You're all laid off." The child with the baby bottle asks, "Does anyone know what laid off means?" A young man says, "It must be a compliment." The young man says to Dilbert, "You're pretty laid off yourself, dude." The child offers his baby bottle to Dilbert and says, "Want a hit of this?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2001's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #five years expereince, #job interview, #no profit, #dot com president, #Catbert

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CATBERT: EVIL H.R. DIRECTOR: A man sitting across the desk from Catbert says, "... And I have five years experience as a dot-com president." The man listens as Catbert says, "You're in luck. We need someone who can burn through twenty million dollars without making a profit." Catbert grins widely as the man says, "Really? The last nine interviewers said the same thing but they were joking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #mud delivery business, #general economic slowdown, #dot com meltdown, #sell mud, #live in mud, #call fudge

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Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert is wading through water towards Elbonians. Dilbert says, "Can anyone tell me why your mud delivery business is failing? Anyone?" One Elbonian raises his hand and says, "Is it because of the general economic slow down?" Another adds, "Dot-com meltdown?" Dilbert says, "And maybe because you sell mud to people who live in mud?" An Elbonian replies, "What if we call it fudge?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr dierctor, #resumes, #highly qualified, #applicants, #don't pay enough, #hire qualified applicants

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Catbert stands on a desk and says to Dilbert, "Here are the resumes of highly qualified applicants for your opening." Catbert snatches the resumes away from Dilbert and says, "It's too bad we don't pay enough to hire qualified applicants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!" Alice and Dilbert sit at a table looking through piles of resumes. Alice says, "Let's see . . . We've got resumes in pencil . . . Crayon . . . pencil . . . Eyeliner . . ." Dilbert says, "Hey! Dot matrix!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1994's comic on:


Tags #boost morale, #alpha project, #atta boy certificate, #lazy imposter, #wallyina, #indian name, #gives award, #alice gets award

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"I'd like to boost morale by presenting this 'Attaboy' certificate to Willy." "It's Wally, not Willy." "I becomes an A with a dot over it." "Wink" "Anyway, this is for your good work on the Alpha project." "Thanks, but I didn't work on the Alpha project." "Get out of my sight, you lazy imposter!" "With a little bit of luck, I can pull this out." "I give you your Indian name: Wallyina"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #queen bee, #marketing, #marketing buzz, #man with rope, #loyal, #business

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Dilbert wears a backpack and carries rope. Dilbert says, "I'm going to capture the queen bee of marketing." Dogbert's ears fly up and his fur stands on end. Dogbert says, "No matter what she says, do't be seduced by her marketing buzz." A huge bee lady sits on a throwm looking at a piece of paper. A man says, "A man with a rope is here to see you. I wan't loyal enough to stop him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #language, #leader, #steve jobs, #rinse with vinegar, #remove mold, #dot touch

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Boss: I see myself as a leader in the mold of Steve Jobs. Alice: Try rinsing your entire body with vinegar. That might remove his mold. Boss: Are we talking about the same thing? Alice: Please don't touch anything I own.

Dilbert Is Not Anti Social

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Dilbert Is Not Anti Social - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #antisocial, #introvert, #judgement, #extrovert, #judging, #criticism, #isolation, #misanthrope, #misanthropy

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Tina: Why are you antisocial? Dilbert: I do't oppose the concept of social behavior. I just don't enjoy being with people. Tina: That's dumb. Dilbert: Case in point.