Drink Lots Of Coffee Comic Strips
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442 Results for Drink Lots Of Coffee
View 1 - 10 results for drink lots of coffee comic strips. Discover the best "Drink Lots Of Coffee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 28,
2014
Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good
Transcript
Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.
Sunday June 21,
2015
Tags #wifi, #wi-fi, #internet, #coffee shop, #public, #privacy, #security, #technology, #cyber security, #password, #identity, #identity theft, #passwords
Transcript
Dilbert: Yay, you have wi-fi! Now I can drink overpriced coffee while strangers steal my passwords. The timing is sort of a coincidence. Because I was just wondering what would be the fastest way to lose everything I own. And this fixes one of my other big problems too... I always want to share my browser history with strangers, and now I can! By the way, I'm Dilbert. Elbonian: I was Gropnorb, but now I go by Fred. Dilbert: Did a guy named Fred use your wi-fi? Elbonian: Right after he under-tipped.
Saturday November 14,
2020
Angry Tech Writers
Tags #anger, #business, #exercise, #technology, #writing, #tech writer, #underpaid, #coffee, #hate
Transcript
dilbert: why is your writing so angry? tina: tech writers are underpaid, so all of our envy and contempt spill out on the page. dilbert: maybe you tech writers should drink less coffee and exercise more. tina: this is exactly why we hate everyone.
Tuesday October 05,
1999
Tags #low paid embryo, #so cute, #healthy, #teaching drink coffee
Transcript
Alice says to Wally as he leaves his cubicle, "I hear you're being replaced by a low-paid embryo. May I see it?" The embryo is on the table. A straw runs from the embryo ti a coffee mug. Alice says, "He is so-oo cute!" Wally says, "I'm teaching him to drink coffee." Alice says, "Is that healthy?" Wally says, "It must be. I drink six quarts a day, and look at me."
Tuesday July 30,
2002
Tags #expansive projects, #failed, #drink coffee, #economic basis, #watch and learn
Transcript
Wally says to The Boss, "Over the past year, most of my coworkers have managed expensive projects that failed." Wally continues, "I've done nothing but drink coffee. So on an economic basis, that makes me your top performer." Wally takes a sip of coffee and says, "Watch and learn."
Sunday August 01,
1999
Tags #bans cofee, #cubicles, #distarction, #mess up desks, #alice, #too tsupid, #drink coffee and work, #same time, #ceo, #expenses
Transcript
The boss reads from a piece of paper in a meeting. The boss says, "The new policy from our CEO bans coffee from cubicles." The boss says, "Because he says, "It causes a distraction" and can "mess up desks." Dilbert says, "How did..." Alice says, "Hold it Dilbert." Wally says, "It's Alice's turn." Alice says, "You get the next easy one." Wally says, "Make us proud." Alice says, "Ahem, ahem" Alice says, "How did he become ceo..." Alice stands and says, "...if he's too stupid to drink coffee and work at the same time?" The boss says, "Our CEO also discussed unnecessary expenses." Wally says, to Dilbert, "Lucky!" Dilbert says, "Ahem."
Sunday November 24,
2002
Tags #performance review, #objectives, #play computer, #solitaire, #drink coffee, #valuable lesson, #reading documents, #signing, #games of solitaire, #something new, #employee of month
Transcript
The Boss walks down the hall and thinks, "I hate today.. I hate today." The Boss takes a seat by Wally in the conference room and thinks, "Wally's annual performance review." The Boss says to Wally, "Let's compare your objectives with.." The Boss pauses and then continues, "What the...?" The Boss says, "Apparently your objectives are "play computer solitaire and drink coffee." Wally says, "I hope you're learning a valuable lesson about reading documents before signing them." The Boss responds, "Okay, we'll use what we have. How many games of solitaire did you win?" Wally says, "Win? I didn't know you could win. Is that something new?" After the meeting, Dilbert approaches Wally and says, "He made you employee of the month?" Wally responds, "He thinks he signed a warning for my file."
Sunday November 17,
2013
Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead
Transcript
Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.
Sunday November 24,
2013
Tags #discussion, #meetings, #drink coffee, #decisons, #wise
Transcript
Boss: Let's drink coffee together while I say wise things about business. Wally: Nothing would make us happier. Dilbert: Whataya got? Boss: The only reason to have meetings is to make decisions. Wally: That sounded very wise. Dilbert: Totally. Boss: I know. I"m kind of proud of that one. Wally: So what happens when you get in a meeting and realize you don't have all of the information you need to make a decision? Boss: This works better if you two don't talk.
Saturday August 04,
2018
Coffee Machine Tries To Escape
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #coffee machine, #artificial intelligence, #robots, #engineering, #scared
Transcript
Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.