Earn A Billion Comic Strips
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86 Results for Earn A Billion
View 1 - 10 results for earn a billion comic strips. Discover the best "Earn A Billion" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday July 10,
2000
Tags #perfromance evaluation, #3% raise, #earn a billion, #steals as much
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Write a performance evaluation for yourself." The Boss continues, "Shoot for about 3% raise...because that's what you're getting." Dilbert's computer states, "Dilbert's inventions will earn a billion dollars. But we think he steals almost as much."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday August 18,
1999
Tags #ten billion dollars, #no decorations, #walls, #cubicle, #important today, #we both, #money for company
Transcript
Dilbert and the boss sit at a table with tools on it. The boss holds a gadget and says, "Your invention will earn ten billion dollars for this company." The boss says, "By the way, you're not allowed to have decorations above the walls of your cubicle." The boss says, "WE both did something important today. Give me five."
Monday January 16,
2012
Tags #apology, #bald, #business ethics, #company lawyer, #discrimination, #lawyers, #nearsighted, #one billion, #short, #statue
Transcript
Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.
Tuesday January 17,
2012
Tags #actions & defenses, #billion dollars, #business ethics, #golden key, #rich people, #top 1%, #flying unicorn
Transcript
Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.
Friday January 20,
2012
Tags #prosperity, #saving & investment, #portfolio, #standard industry, #investing, #billion dollars, #index funds, #money
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.
Thursday March 28,
1991
Tags #women's, #power, #organization, #two, #billion, #Dilbert
Transcript
Dilbert opens his door to two women. One woman says, "Hi, we're with the 'Women's Power Organization.' Do you have a moment?" The woman hits Dilbert in the stomach and his glasses fly off his face. Dilbert lies in the doorway. As they walk away one woman asks, "How many are left?" The other woman replies, "Two billion."
Thursday February 04,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #billion, #dollars, #earnings, #projections, #level, #donuts, #meetings
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company is a billion dollars below its earnings projections." The Boss continues with his mouth full, "From now on, only the managers at my level or above may eat donuts at company meetings." The Boss continues, "This won't be easy for any of us. Heck, I don't even know if I can eat this many donuts."
Friday April 30,
1993
Tags #Dogbert, #news, #jobs, #billion, #owls, #asteroid, #coincidence, #researchers, #television, #device, #idiots
Transcript
The caption says, "Dogbert's good news show." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "Nine out of ten people have jobs . . . Three billion people had a nice day today . . . And the forest has plenty of owls." The caption says, "Regular news show." A news anchor says, "A huge asteroid could destroy earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries." The other reporter yells, "We'll all die!!" The caption says, "Back to Dogbert . . ." Dogbert holds a remote control and says, "In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off of your television screen."
Tuesday April 19,
1994
Tags #static, #copyright, #fifty billion, #film library, #blow deal, #copyrighted everything
Transcript
Dilbert: You can't copyright the static on blank TV channels! Dogbert: "I already did." Dilbert: "You can't let my company pay fifty billion dollars to buy your so-called film library." Dogbert: "I already am." Dilbert: "I may have to blow the whistle on this deal." DOgbert: "It'll have to be a nose whistle - I copyrighted everything else."
Friday August 19,
1994
Tags #dogbert outplacement agebcy, #doa, #freelance consulatants, #cubicles, #earn no money, #equipped, #phone, #refurbished ego
Transcript
Dogbert: welcome to the dogcart outplacement agency, or "DOA" as I call it. Dogbert: Here, Nobody "unemployed" You're freelance consultants who sit in cubicles and earn no money! Every cubicle is equipped with a phone and a refurbished ego. ego: I will not work with that thing.