Eaten Unicorn Comic Strips
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You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.
ted: i hear you're dating a unicorn. dilbert: that is absurd and untrue. ted: then how do you explain the fact that five people told me it was true? ted: i mean, you'd have to believe all five of them are idiots. dilbert: including you, it's six.
Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.
A man holding a drink and wearing a robe and a wreath of leaves on his head says to Dilbert, "You look lost." Music plays in the background. Dilbert says, "I never knew that marketing was like this . . . Do you people do any work?" The man replies, "Well, not on 'Barbecue Tuesday.' Are you staying for lunch? It's unicorn!"
Dilbert stands in a barbecue line holding a plate. The man in front of him says, "Every Tuesday we barbecue a unicorn." The man says, "Make mine rare. Ha ha! Get it? Rare?" Dilbert looks at the horn on his plate and thinks, "I'm not sure I believe this is the 'best part.'"
Dilbert is on a dinner date. Dilbert has a unicorn horn growing from his forehead. The date's eyes are wide from shock. Dilbert says, "Lately, I've been growing a unicorn horn." Dilbert says, "In some cultures, this would be a sign of great virility." The date has left Dilbert alone at the table. Dilbert thinks, "It's time to admit that I don't know what women want."
THE AD AGENCY: Pete Peters of the Creative Team holds up a picture of a stick figure and says, "The stick man runs through a tire fire and gets eaten by a giant wolverine." Sitting between Wally and Dilbert at the table, The Boss asks, "Will that make people like us?" Pete Peters says, "It's not an exact science."
An Elbonian is holding a tin can tied to a string to his ear. The Elbonia says, "I'm sad to report that our drilling has caused the extinction of the Elbonian unicorn." The boss, at his desk, is on the phone. The boss says, "Save a sample of the animal's DNA so we can clone a new one." The Elbonian with the tin can turns to another Elbonian, who is eating a burger. The first Elbonian says, "Don't finish that."
Dilbert stands in front of a complex model. He points on the screen and says, "I designed a product that could fill a gaping hole in the market." Dilbert continues his presentation, pointing to a new slide with two shapes on it, nothing more. He says, "But thanks to the miracle of teamwork it turned into a product with no actual features." The next slide Dilbert points to shows a picture of himself in bed, laughing. He says, "In Phase three I fantasized about my coworkers being eaten by squirrels."
Headline: The Sociopath. Ron and Alice are sitting across from each other at restaurant table. Ted says, "Tipping is optional so I never do it." Alice looks surprised. She asks, "Um.. have you eaten here before?" A waitress approaches the table and angrily throws bread at Ron, hitting him on the head. She grunts, "Here's some bread." Alice looks on nervously.