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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2003's comic on:

Tags #cooperate with hunt, #17 suspects, #talked to reporter, #email archives, #phone records, #linguistic patterns, #punish all of them

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Headline: Corporate Witch-Hunt. Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "I've narrowed the list to seventeen suspects who might have talked to that reporter." The Boss continues, "Now we'll check their e-mail archives, phone records and linguistic patterns until we identify the offender." Catbert says, "And then we can punish all of them just for being on the list." The Boss responds, "I like the way you stink."

The Long Email

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The Long Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2016's comic on:

Tags #communication, #laziness, #email, #tldr

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Boss: You never got back to me with your answer. Dilbert: Yes, I did. I spent three hours writing an email that tells you all you need to know. Boss: What did it say?

Tell Me What Was In The Email

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Tell Me What Was In The Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2016's comic on:

Tags #email, #laziness, #attention, #detail, #tldr

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Boss: I don't have time to read your long email. Tell me what it said. Dilbert: I wrote a long email because a summary would be dangerously misleading. Boss: I'll be the judge of that. Dilbert: How?!!!

Wally Doesn't Open Email

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Wally Doesn't Open Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2017's comic on:

Tags #aversion, #avoiding, #communication, #email, #evasion, #excuse, #work ethic

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Did you get the file I sent by email? No. If i open email I'll see thirty urgent messages that will ruin my entire day. Can you open it tomorrow? You should try to live in the moment.

Answering Questions In Email

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Answering Questions In Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2018's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #male employee, #email, #questions

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Male Employee: Why did you only answer one of my seven questions in my email? Dilbert: I'm penalizing you for asking too many questions in a long rambling email. Male employee: Jerk. Dilbert: That'll cost you three questions.

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Boss Email Password

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Boss Email Password - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2018's comic on:

Tags #business, #competition, #email, #obliviousness, #security, #strategy

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Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #coupons, #email, #firewall, #malicious complience, #downside, #dogs of hell

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Boss: Mordac, I'm not getting the coupons by email that I signed up for. Can you dial back the firewall or something? Mordac: Absolutely. There's nothing I enjoy more than malicious compliance with your requests. Boss: Is there any downside? Mordac: UNLEASH THE DOGS OF HELL!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2011's comic on:

Tags #cruelty, #fraternization, #friendship, #new engineer, #ginat dork, #star wars chess set, #email, #set up date, #romantic preference, #relationships

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Carol: Have you met the new engineer? He's a gigantic dork. You two would get along great. I'll email him to set up a date with you. Is tomorrow good? Dilbert: Being a dork is not a romantic preference. Carol: He says he'll bring his "Star Wars" chess set.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anxiety, #mobile (cell) phones, #telephones, #rings after 4pm, #caller id blocked, #ignore call, #email, #horrible issue, #hate life, #torture coworker

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Noise: Ring. Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's never good when my phone rings after 4 pm. Caller ID is blocked. Someone must know that I would ignore the call if I knew who it was. If it weren't urgent, it would be email. This must be some sort of horrible issue that will cause me to work all night. It stopped. There's still a chance that I'll be okay unless my cell phone... Noise: Bzzzz. Dilbert: GAAAA!! I hate my life! Alice: You're right. That was funny. Wally: Now I'll text him.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2011's comic on:

Tags #debates, #discussion, #email, #objecting, #hallucination of plan, #defensive, #narrowed problem

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Man: Did you see my email objecting to your plan? Dilbert: No, but I saw your email objecting to what I assume is your hallucination of my plan. Man: You seem defensive. Dilbert: Have we narrowed down the problem to me?