Emotional Investment Comic Strips
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73 Results for Emotional Investment
View 1 - 10 results for emotional investment comic strips. Discover the best "Emotional Investment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday April 18,
2008
Tags #emotional investment, #company, #families, #divorced, #single, #never been kissed, #mission accomplished, #business
Transcript
The Boss: I want you to have the same emotional investment in this company as you have with your families. Wally: I'm divorced. Dilbert: I'm single. Asok: "I have never been kissed. Wally: Mission accomplished.
Saturday February 21,
2015
Boss Has Investment Tips For Asok
Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #diversification, #investment, #obliviousness, #stock market, #money
Transcript
Asok: Do you have any investment tips? Boss: You're asking the right person! I can teach you how to time the market, catch a falling knife, and invest in a dead-cat bounce. That's my system. Asok: What about diversification? Boss: I don't invest in anything I can't spell.
Thursday February 03,
2011
Tags #budget for a poor job, #build software, #business ethics, #cheap or smart, #executives, #poor job, #return on investment, #selling upogardes
Transcript
Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"
Monday April 16,
2012
Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money
Transcript
Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.
Friday June 22,
2012
Tags #universities & colleges, #cost analysis, #data centers, #good investment, #college, #education
Transcript
Boss: Do a cost analysis for consolidating our data centers. No matter what the data says, make sure your conclusion is that it's a good investment. Dilbert: Remind me why I went to college. Boss: Some liar probably convinced you it was a good investment.
Thursday July 12,
2012
Tags #10 million, #cloud start up, #social media, #venture capital, #location based, #flattering, #investment, #technology
Transcript
Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.
Thursday August 22,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #high-risk, #investment, #bonds, #junk, #checking, #account, #ethel's, #savings, #loan
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I lost my fortune in a high-risk investment." Dilbert asks, "Junk bonds?" Dogbert covers his eyes and says, "Checking account at 'Ethel's Savings and Loan!'"
Wednesday August 26,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #meeting, #agenda, #specific, #emotional, #statements, #work
Transcript
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Ted says, "Thank you all for coming. There's no specific agenda for this meeting . . ." Ted continues, "As usual, we'll just make unrelated emotional statements about things which bother us. I'll kick it off . . ." Ted throws his head back and yells, "There's never time to get any work done around here!!"
Saturday January 23,
1993
Tags #Dogbert, #romance, #interpreter, #logically, #solve, #emotional, #problems, #reasons, #fix, #hear, #wisdom, #compassion, #arouse, #talk, #himself, #dating, #women and men
Transcript
Dogbert, Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates for the woman, "He's telling you how to logically solve all of the emotional problems you seem to have." Dilbert says, "Blah blah blah." Dogbert translates, "He reasons that if he can fix your problems he won't have to hear about them anymore." Dilbert says, "Blah blah me." Dogbert translates, "He hopes that the wisdom and compassion he just faked was enough to arouse you. Now he will talk about himself."
Monday January 10,
1994
Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug
Transcript
The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."