Employee Named Ted Comic Strips
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996 Results for Employee Named Ted
View 1 - 10 results for employee named ted comic strips. Discover the best "Employee Named Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 25,
2014
Tags #celestial bodies, #managers & supervisors, #black hole, #management style, #dangerous, #importnat emails, #employee named ted, #business
Transcript
Catbert: Your management style has caused a black hole to form. Boss: Is it dangerous? Catbert: No to us. It only absorbs important emails from employees. And en employee named Ted, apparently.
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Saturday October 08,
2005
Tags #ex employee, #named ted, #company policy, #weather, #moving lazily
Transcript
"Hi. I'm calling to check the references of your ex-employee named Ted." "We have a company policy against giving references. But I'd be happy to discuss the weather with you." "Okay." "The clouds are moving lazily across the sky, and everyone thinks they're stupid."
Monday July 03,
2017
H Ired An Immersive Vr Employee
Tags #virtual reality, #vr, #invisibility, #privacy
Transcript
Boss: I hired an immersive VR employee named Kevin. You can only see him when you wear the VR headset. Dilbert: Um... Kevin, please stop doing that. Kevin: Oops. Sorry. I didn't think anyone could see me.
Tuesday October 29,
2019
We Already Have A Carl
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #interview, #skills, #confuse, #employee, #names
Transcript
boss: i can't hire you because we already have an employee named carl. it would confuse people, and we don't need that. interviewee: what about my skills? boss: people with better names have skills too.
Monday August 25,
2008
Tags #company secrets, #Dilbert, #elbonia, #laptop, #mittens, #spies stole
Transcript
Elbonia An Elbonian says, "Our spies stole this laptop from an employee named Dilbert." The Elbonian says, "Ha ha! We will find his company's secrets and use them!" Another Elbonian says, "heh-heh." Six months later An Elbonian says, "Do you remember mittens? I loved having mittens." The other Elbonian says, "Shut up!!"
Friday July 31,
1998
Tags #worthless employee, #newspapaer artcicles, #routes them around, #articles relevant, #more work, #third stall
Transcript
Wally sit at his computer. Ted holds a piece of newsprint. Ted says, "I'm a worthless employee who cuts out newspaper articles and routes them around." Ted hands Wally the article. Ted says, "I used to make sure the articles were relevant, but that was more work that it was worth." Wally says, "I saw this already." Ted says, "It's from your paper. You always leave it in the third stall."
Sunday April 02,
2000
Tags #sing or dance, #resigned, #huge resignation, #manifesto, #video clips, #humorous sound files, #website, #broadway theater prodcution, #first motivated employee, #technology
Transcript
Ted approaches Dilbert, "Can you sing or dance?" Dilbert turns to face Ted, "Ted? I thought you resigned in disgust two weeks ago." Ted replies, "Well...I wrote a huge resignation manifesto that I planned to e-mail to the entire company." With hands raised Ted says, "But I thought it needed pictures." With arms now raised to the side Ted says, "Before long I was adding video clips and humorous sound files." Exasperated Ted states, "Then I thought, hey, why not put it all on a website?" More calmed and reserved, Ted says "Now I'm turning the whole thing into an off Broadway theatre production." Arriving home after work, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I saw my first motivated employee today."
Friday July 08,
2016
Ted Has No Family
Tags #human resources, #judgement, #deciding, #business
Transcript
Catbert: Ted went on extended disability because a fly went up his nose and laid eggs. Boss: I want to be green, but I don't know if I should side with the fly or the employee in this situation. Catbert: Well, for what it's worth, Ted doesn't have a family, but the fly does.
Friday November 17,
2017
Ted Might Drop Dead
Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical
Transcript
Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.
Thursday October 31,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #ted, #item, #vacation, #increments, #regular, #work, #days, #vacations, #avoid, #assignments, #minutes, #cough, #better, #take, #some, #sick, #time
Transcript
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Ted, can you explain number two?" Ted replies, "No. I'm on vacation." Ted explains, "I take my vacations in ten minute increments during regular work days. That way I can avoid assignments." Dilbert says, "Your ten minutes are up." Ted coughs and says, "Whoa, I'd better take some sick time."