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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1994's comic on:

Tags #employee survey, #no startegy, #quality team, #root cause, #employees are ninnies, #more stock options

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The employee survey showed that 95% of the company believes we have no consistent strategy." The Boss continues, "So the executives formed a 'quality team' to determine the root cause of the problem." A man points to a chart and says to three people seated at a table, "We've narrowed it down to either 'employees are ninnies' or 'we deserve more stock options.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 1997's comic on:

Tags #employee survey, #tabulated, #under paid, #management is incompetent, #bizarre, #unworldly response, #travel alarm clock, #company logo

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Alice, the Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The results of the employee survey have been tabulated." The Boss continues, "As always, employees say they are underpaid, blah, blah, blah, and management is incompetent." Alice asks, "And your bizarre, unworldly response will be?" The Boss replies, "Everyone gets a travel alarm clock with the company logo!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2012's comic on:

Tags #work ethic, #employee survey, #respect and dignity, #feel gross, #disgust, #paper towel

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Catbert: The first question on the employee survey is... Do you feel you are valued and treated with respect and dignity? Dilbert: Well, let me put it this way... you know how sometimes you step in something gross and then you have to wipe it off your shoe with a paper towel? Catbert: So... you feel like the paper towel? Dilbert: No, the paper towel has a purpose. Catbert: So... you feel like the gross stuff on the shoe? Dilbert: No, the gross stuff gets to leave. I feel like a shoe that has gross stuff on the bottom and a sweaty foot shoved all the way to the end of its sole. Catbert: I'll leave this one blank. Dilbert: Because my opinions don't matter?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2010's comic on:

Tags #anonymous online employee survey, #slip up, #look at paper, #angry, #eyebrows, #trust, #ironic

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The Boss says, "According to the anonymous online employee survey, you don't trust management. What's up with that?" The Boss says, "Oh. Right."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2010's comic on:

Tags #anonymous online employee survey, #unabomber, #copy, #drink coffee, #worry, #copyright

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Catbert says, "Wally, we're concerned about the comments you made on your anonymous employee survey." Catbert says, "Your comments are disturbingly similar to the unabomber's manifesto." Wally says, "He was a good writer." Catbert says, "We have a problem." Wally says, "Is it a copyright thing?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2005's comic on:

Tags #evil wind blowing, #dark soul, #evil director, #human resources, #employee survey, #over reacted, #well being, #business

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"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1994's comic on:

Tags #effects pay, #employee survey, #grumpiest employee, #morale, #touchy feely stuff

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The Boss says to an employee, "The employee surveys indicate some dissatisfaction in my group. That affects my pay." The Boss continues as the man frowns, "You're my grumpiest employee, so I'm going to fire you to bring up my average score for morale." The Boss walks away thinking, "I think I'm getting better at all the touchy-feely stuff."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2010's comic on:

Tags #sitting, #survey, #benefits, #human resources, #business

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CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?According to the employee survey, you want fewer benefits.? Dilbert says, ?I don't remember doing a survey.? Catbert says, ?We polled a random sample.? Dilbert says, ?That seems a bit suspicious.? Catbert says, ?In other findings, you want more verbal abuse.?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2013's comic on:

Tags #apathy, #managers & supervisors, #no confidence, #management, #low score, #cancel surveys, #business

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Boss: According to the employee survey, 98% of you have no confidence in management. Rest assured, management will make sure we never again get such a low score. CEO: Cancel all future employee surveys.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 1996's comic on:

Tags #employee satisfaction survey, #department dismal, #assigning satisfaction, #task force, #problem solved

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "The results of the employee satisfaction survey are in. Scores for my department are dismal." The Boss continues, "I'm assigning you to the satisfaction task force until the problem is solved." Dilbert and Alice look upset. Dilbert says, "Please . . . Anything but that . . ." The Boss asks, "How satisfied are you NOW?"