Employees Quit Comic Strips
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690 Results for Employees Quit
View 1 - 10 results for employees quit comic strips. Discover the best "Employees Quit" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 27,
2001
Tags meeting to discuss, employee retention, employees quit, useless meetings, reasons, first meetings
Transcript
The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "We're having a meeting to discuss employee retention." Dilbert replies, "Tell them that employees quit because there are too many useless meetings." The Boss says, "We won't be getting into reasons at the first meeting."
Saturday August 17,
1996
Tags no downsizing, job is safe, quality good news, going downhill
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally, "Good news, Wally. Most of our smart employees quit to get much better jobs elsewhere. Now we don't have to do any downsizing." The Boss continues, "Your job is safe. We need you to do the work of all the people who left." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Wally asks, "Is it just me . . . or is the quality of 'good news' really going downhill lately?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say you're both going downhill."
Monday April 22,
1996
Tags catbert hr driector, new employees, always quit, reapply, old job, higher salary, catnip, rubbing body
Transcript
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"
Monday June 20,
2011
Tags employees, gloating, quit working, won lotery, business
Transcript
Dilbert: If you won the lottery, would you quit working? Wally: I quit working years ago, but I might start gloating if it isn't too hard. Dilbert: Gloating doesn't sound hard. Wally: Can I do it without moving any facial muscles? I have weak eyebrows.
Friday August 16,
1996
Tags Dogbert, career counselor, enough people quit, best startegy, convince coworkers, video, exact moment, life force, leaves body
Transcript
Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk and Dogbert sits on the desk. Dogbert says, "The company won't lay you off if enough people quit first." Dogbert continues, "Your best strategy is to convince your co-workers that their jobs are intolerable." Wally shines a flashlight on Asok and points a video camera at him. Wally says, "We do this for all the young employees, Asok. I'll capture the exact moment that your life force leaves your body."
Friday January 23,
2015
13 Percent Employees Engaged
Tags employee, employees, engagement, motivation, global survey, engaged at work, business
Transcript
Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.
Friday July 19,
2019
Homeless Employees
Tags concern, cost, employees, homeless persons, office workers, pretend
Transcript
Dogbert: We need to do something about our employees being homeless. Housing costs are too high around here. Boss: Maybe we could pay them more. Dogbert: I was thinking more along the lines of pretending to be concerned. Boss: I like where you're going with this.
Monday September 16,
2019
Best Employees
Tags big business, confused, employees, customer service
Transcript
CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?
Tuesday September 24,
2019
Try Hiding
Tags Advice, boss, compliment, criticism, ego, employees, managers & supervisors
Transcript
Dogbert: If you compliment your employees, they will get big heads and think they are underpaid. But if you criticize them, they will be unhappy and quit. Boss: What should I do instead of those things? Dogbert: Have you tried hiding?
Tuesday October 22,
2019
Best Employees
Tags employees, managers & supervisors, best, office workers, industry, attitude
Transcript
boss: we have the best employees in the entire industry. except for ted obviously. ted: wait...what? boss: and here comes the attitude.