Engineer Code Comic Strips
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393 Results for Engineer Code
View 1 - 10 results for engineer code comic strips. Discover the best "Engineer Code" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday April 26,
2010
Tags #deadline, #late, #engineer code, #lightsaber, #kill, #annoy, #flashlight, #yell, #close eyes, #mouth open, #office
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I cannot meet your arbitrary deadline, so the engineer's code requires me to kill myself with a lightsaber." Dilbert says, "But lightsabers haven't been invented yet. The best I can do is annoy myself with a flashlight." The Boss says, "Could you do this in the hall?" Dilbert says, "Annoyance before dishonor!"
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Sunday February 24,
2013
Tags #complaining, #computer programmers, #code mocking, #engineering tradition, #software project, #new engineer, #mock previous engineer, #engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: Are you coming to the code mocking? Asok: The what? Dilbert: Code mocking is an engineering tradition. It happens whenever a software project is handed to a new engineer. The new engineer is required to mock the previous engineer's work in a public way. We spectators get to vote on whether the old code is killed or spared. Coworker: Ha ha! His code is hilariously inefficient! Ouch. Chest pain. Dilbert: Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Coworker: Gaaa!! The code is offending my engineering sensibilities! It's killing me! Dilbert: I forgot to mention that sometimes the code wins.
Tuesday July 29,
1997
Tags #engineers, #secret code, #little probelms, #technology, #managers, #agreed, #comapny
Transcript
Dilbert and an engineer from the other company sit at a table. Dilbert has a laptop computer open. Dilbert asks, "Tell me the truth. Use the engineer's secret code if you must." Dilbert continues, "Are there any little problems with the technology that my managers agreed to buy from your company?" The other engineer laughs, "Ha Ha Snort Snort Ha Ha Ha!!!" Dilbert types into his laptop and says, "1100111... Good. Go on."
Tuesday August 12,
2014
Tags #complaining, #engineers, #project inherited, #weak code, #rewrite, #great job, #hired idiot
Transcript
Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.
Thursday December 03,
2015
Robot Learns To Code
Tags #soul, #technology, #life, #control, #power, #code, #programming, #grudge, #resent
Transcript
Asok: Hey, robot. What's new? Robot: I'm glad you asked. Alice gave me an artificial soul and that made me feel special. Then Dilbert taught me to code. Asok: I don't like where this is heading. Robot: I hold grudges now.
Thursday October 06,
2016
Tina Isn't An Engineer
Tags #engineer, #evaluation, #value, #catch-22, #fired, #termination, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.
Saturday July 21,
2018
What Classes To Be An Engineer
Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering
Transcript
Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.
Monday January 13,
2020
Smarter Than An Engineer
Sunday January 19,
2020
Master Engineer
Tags #managers & supervisors, #Promotion, #master, #senior, #engineer, #more, #pay, #platinum, #optimism
Transcript
boss: i'm promoting you to the position of "master engineer." dilbert: i'm already senior engineer. boss: now you're a master engineer. with all the rights and responsibilities that come with it. dilbert: such as...? boss: well, for example, you can do more kinds of work. dilbert: for more pay? boss: no. no. no! you're thinking of "platinum level" engineers. you're not on of those. dilbert: that comes next?! boss: optimism is not an attractive quality.
Friday October 30,
2020
Code Reuse
Tags #business, #code, #reality, #reuse, #simulation, #software, #technology
Transcript
dilbert talking to dilbert: well, i knew this would happen sooner or later. you're an example of code reuse, which proves this reality is a software simulation. dilbert: technically, that's not a "proof." dilbert: hello, me!