Enhanced Assessment Methodology Comic Strips
18 Results for Enhanced Assessment Methodology
View 1 - 10 results for enhanced assessment methodology comic strips. Discover the best "Enhanced Assessment Methodology" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dilbert says, "?And of course we'll assess our progress along the way." Coworker says, "Will you be using an enhanced assessment methodology?" Coworker says, "I hope that means something. All I did was string together some words I heard in the hallway." Dilbert says, "Um... I'll be assessing... by measuring... and um..." The Boss says, "I better get in on this." The Boss says, "I can't support this project until I see your advanced assessment methodology plan." Dilbert says, "I'll have it in ten minutes, assuming you don't now what it's supposed to look like." The Boss says, "Very good." Dilbert says, "I'll be in the shower trying to wash my soul."
Man: We need to enhance our sector-relevant support for a suite of integrated risk assessment tools. Do you understand? Dilbert: Maybe. Is your point that you don't know how to communicate? Man: No. Dilbert: Oh. Then I didn't get it.
Dilbert perches on a rock using a laptop. He says to two Elbonians, "Before I accept the software you wrote under contract, tell me what development methodology you use." One Elbonian says, "We hold village meetings to boast of our skills and curse the devil-spawned end-users." The other Elbonian adds, "Sometimes we juggle." The first Elbonian continues, "At the last minute we slam out some code and go roller skating." Dilbert says, "I would find this humorous if not for the pig on my back." A pig clings to Dilbert lovingly.
Alice says, to the boss, "As requested, I did a "risk management" assessment." Alice points to a picture of the boss with a zero over his head. Alice says, "I concluded that there was no risk of any management." Alice says, "Do you have anything to add?" The boss says, "I'll get back to you."
Dilbert says to Catbert, "I can't complete the online self-assessment survey. It asks where I need improvement and I don't need any." Dilbert continues, "The program won't let me leave that question blank." Catbert responds, "Just check the box that says you steal." Dilbert responds, "And people will understand that I don't mean it?" Catbert grins and says, "Sure."
The Boss: How's the coding coming along? Dilbert: "No problem unless..." "...some moron tries to standardize on a new programming methodology in the middle of the project." The Boss: "What if it's me instead of some moron guy?"
Wally says, "I get sleepy in the afternoon. And I'm not a morning person." Wally says, "I'm at my best for about an hour in between, which explains why I'm an exceptionally good lunch eater." The Boss says, "How's the workforce skills assessment going?" Catbert says, "I just sold all of my company stock."
The boss: Uh-oh. I don't understand a word of this. What did other people say about it? Dilbert: A few people quibbles about the methodology. The boss: Right, well, yes, the methodology does have a few issues. Dilbert: Can you be more specific? I brought some crickets to keep me company while I wait for your answer. chirp chirp chirp chirp Alice: I'm up next. Can I borrow the crickets? Dilbert: They're a little tired.
Boss: I want you to give me an honest assessment of my leadership. THIRTY MINUTES LATER Dilbert: ...like being stabbed by an angry clown while drowning in a septic tank. Boss: Have you heard of honesty? It's terrible.
Boss: We're moving to an agile methodology for software development. I don't know all of the details, but I think one of you has to be designated the scrumbag. Does that sound right? Dilbert: It's better than I expected.