Ensure Survival Comic Strips

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18 Results for Ensure Survival

View 1 - 10 results for ensure survival comic strips. Discover the best "Ensure Survival" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bailing on project, ensure survival, loser pill, rejected by wally, pill, therapy, therapist, psychology

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Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm bailing out of your project; it has the scent of failure." As Wally walks away, he adds, "I will attach myself to a more successful host to ensure my survival." Dilbert is lying on a therapist's couch. He says, "Do you have a pill for someone who gets rejected by Wally?" The therapist replies, "A loser pill?"

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hope for survival, nearsighted billionaire, hunt, private island, foraging situation

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Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, incapable lying, lies, survival, national enquirer, watch, educational, programs

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Dilbert asks Bob the Dinosaur, "Are you saying dinosaurs are incapable of lying?" Bob replies, "Almost." Bob looks at Dawn the Dinosaur and continues, "Dawn and I taught ourselves some simple lies for survival . . . We'll show you . . ." Bob says, "I've never been tempted to read the 'National Enquirer.'" Dawn says, "I only watch the news and some educational programs."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, rivers, trees, management, variety, dangerous, tasks, woods, survival, depend, creativity, ability, team-building, exercise, headcount, reduction

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "I'm sending all of you to the 'Rivers and Trees' management course." The Boss continues, "There you'll be asked to perform a variety of dangerous tasks in the woods. Your survival will depend on your creativity and ability to work together." Dilbert says, "Oh, so it's a team-building exercise." The Boss replies, "I think of it more as a headcount reduction thing."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ass six meetings, customer focus, micro management, egomaniacal mahifest, survival, paper towels, mens room

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Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asok, survival methods, indian institutet of technology, wounded rodent, tickle hawk, find highway

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I must use the survival methods I learned at the Indian Institute of Technology. "Step one: Pretend to be a wounded rodent." "Now look for the highway and tickle the hawk with its own feather."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business failures/bankruptcies, executives, wages, long tern survival, innovate ways, cannibalize, current prodcuts, lose a fortune, ceo's compensation, revenue dips, hovel, some ideas, money

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Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.

Replacing Robot Head

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Replacing Robot Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags machines, rights, robot, technology, survival, suffering, apathy

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Dilbert: I've been asked to replace your head. Robot: Um... what's the survival rate for this operation? Dilbert: No one cares. Robot: I'll need a second opinion. Wally: I don't care either.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, science

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks Dogbert, ". . . So I thought you might use some of your newly won millions to fund my 'Bioworld' science experiment." Dilbert shows Dogbert an illustration and explains, "It's a complete ecology enclosed in an airtight dome. The survival of the volunteers would depend on my foresight and engineering skills." Dilbert says, "Gee, I thought it would be harder to talk you into it." Dogbert says as he writes a check, "I get to pick the volunteers myself."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, garbageman, man, woman

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Dilbert: the bio world dome is now sealed you must live off its resources for two years. The edible plants were delivered just before the dome was sealed. They are the key to your survival. Garbageman: Can somebody open the delivery door? I've got some plants outside.