Search Results for "evil mister"
Share January 21, 1996's comic on:
Catbert stands at his desk. He says, "Hee hee! This is my most diabolical work yet as director of human resources." Catbert continues, "Thanks to e-mail I can play with hundreds of employees at once!" Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Uh-oh . . . A message from the evil Mister Catbert." The message says, "In order to reduce our janitorial expenses . . ." Alice thinks, "That's a phrase you don't want to see." Wally reads, "Every engineer will be required to strap a broom to his or her . . ." Wally walks down the hall with a broom attached to his back. Wally and Dilbert stand outside a conference room. Wally says to Dilbert, "On the positive side, marketing invites us to a lot more meetings now." A man inside the room says, "Five minutes; we're still eating cookies."
Share February 03, 2015's comic on:
Pointy-Haired Boss Becomes CEO. Boss: We're going into the evil robot business. We'll sell robots that psychologically manipulate their owners into buying unnecessary upgrades. Evil Robot: Your neighbor got titanium bolts for his robot. I guess that's what winners do. But your way is good, too.
Share January 19, 2011's comic on:
Man says, "Thanks for spending the day itnerviewing with us. I can now reveal the vature of the job and the salary range." Dilbert says, "You know my current salary and yet you wasted my entire day interviewing me for a job that pays less. You are either evil or inconsiderate." Man says, "So... not as good as your current job?" Dilbert says, "It's a tie. I'll need to test the commute one more time."
Share August 06, 2011's comic on:
Dogbert: Welcome to the monthly meeting of "The Society for the Preservation of Evil Ideas." Our goal for the coming year is to convince companies to file absurdly broad patents and sue each other for infringing. CIO: How do we make money from that? Dogbert: Beats me. I'm just here to embezzle your dues.
Share January 14, 2012's comic on:
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.
Share September 27, 1989's comic on:
Dogbert walks down a sidewalk and a man in a trenchcoat says, "Pssst . . . Comrade Dogsky. Will you sell your master's electronic secrets to nice Soviet man?" Dogbert asks, "Will you be wanting them on microfiche or hard copy?" Back at home, Dilbert asks, "You're going to cripple the WHAT?" Dogbert, who is carrying plans, replies, "Evil empire. Trust me on this."
Share June 09, 1990's comic on:
Bob the Dinosaur asks Dawn, "How did we ever allow ourselves to be drawn into Dogbert's evil cult?" Bob continues, "Maybe he has strange hypnotic powers. Maybe we were mesmerized by his oratorical skill." Dilbert says, "It says here you have brains the size of a walnut." Bob asks, "What's your point?"
Share June 30, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert looks out the window and says, "Looks like the police found your trail, Dogbert. You'd better hide." A police officer says to Dilbert, "We're looking for a dog who destroyed half of the city. Does this sketch look familiar?" Dilbert looks at the drawing and replies, "Yeah . . . It's 'Mister Potato Head' . . . or maybe 'Ziggy.'" The officer says, "We gotta get a better artist."
Share September 08, 1990's comic on:
A man stands outside Dilbert's house and says to Dogbert, "Goodbye . . . I think your 'New Age Mineral Water Spa' has been a complete rip-off!" Dogbert turns on a hose and says, "I'm sorry you feel that way . . . Here's a free gallon of miracle hose water." Dilbert says, "You're an evil little dog." Dogbert points the hose at Dilbert and asks, "Thirsty?"
Share July 20, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert sees Ratbert lying on the sidewalk. Dogbert says, "Ratbert! What happened to you?" Ratbert sits up and replies, "My Chihuahua disguise worked. I've been taunted and chased all day by bigots who hate Chihuahuas for no reason." Ratbert says, "There's an important lesson in this." Dogbert asks, "What? Chihuahuas are evil?"