Expect Employer Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

106 Results for Expect Employer

View 1 - 10 results for expect employer comic strips. Discover the best "Expect Employer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1996's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #expect employer, #don't expect raises, #trained pension, #sourball, #marbles, #cellophane

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can't expect your employer to take care of you forever, Wally." Dogbert continues, "Don't expect raises, don't expect to be trained and don't expect a pension." Wally reaches for a jar on the desk and says, "That's depressing. I need a sourball." Dogbert says, "Those are marbles wrapped in cellophane."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #supervisor, #career, #path, #secetary, #years, #doctor, #expect, #hard work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to a man at a desk, "As your new supervisor, I want to discuss your career path." Dilbert asks, "You're a secretary now, but what do you want to be in two years?" The man replies, "A famous actor . . . Or maybe a doctor." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . I don't think I can help you here . . ." The man replies, "Oh, right, but you'll expect me to work hard for you."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #bug, #bit, #me, #powers, #expect, #beetle, #radioactive, #bite

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks through the house wearing a super hero suit. Dilbert thinks, "I should be acquiring super powers any moment from that radioactive bug bite." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I wish I knew what kind of bug bit me, so I'd know what powers to expect." Dogbert says, "Let's look it up." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table looking through a book. Dilbert says, "Dung Beetle."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 1995's comic on:

Tags #ethical question, #telecommuting, #owe employer, #saving planet, #not driving, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at Dilbert's desk at home. Dilbert stands in front of the desk holding a cup of coffee and dressed in a bathrobe. Dilbert says, "I have an ethical question about telecommuting, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Do I owe my employer eight productive hours, or do I only need to match the two productive hours I would have in the office?" Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the desk chair together. Dogbert answers, "Well, when you factor in how you're saving the planet by not driving, you only owe one hour." Dilbert adds, "And this meeting counts."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1995's comic on:

Tags #twlecommuting, #optional habits, #hygiene, #cow orkers, #fading memeory, #language skills, #expect answers, #gas mask, #tarzan like pharses

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer at home, dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He types, "Day two of telecommuting is going smoothly. I have eliminated all optional habits of hygiene." Dilbert continues typing, "My co-workers are a fading memory. I am losing language skills. I talk to my computer and expect answers." Dilbert types, "For reasons that are unclear, my dog wears a gas mask and shouts tarzan-like phrases." Dogbert stands behind Dilbert wearing a gas mask and yelling, "Kreegah! Bundalo!"

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 1996's comic on:

Tags #expect, #new employment agreement, #first born, #dna, #derivative works

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "I can't believe they expect us to sign these new employment agreement forms." Wally says, "According to this, anything we even THINK of becomes the Company's property. I'm surprised they don't claim our first born sons!" Wally continues, "What do you suppose it means when they copyright our 'DNA and all derivative works?'" Alice says, "They'd make an exception for you."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 1997's comic on:

Tags #be specific, #bounus, #congratulations, #expect bonus, #good work, #act randomly

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Alice, here's a bonus for your good work." Alice asks, "On what?" The Boss says, "I can't be specific, because then you might do it again and expect another bonus." Alice says, "Congratulations; you've motivated me to act randomly." The Boss points and says, "I'm going over here and I don't know why."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2000's comic on:

Tags #product is defective, #expect delivery, #quality s primary goal, #opposite of philosophy, #rich philosophers, #swiss bank

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2002's comic on:

Tags #dogcart attorney, #too late, #change, #punish client, #expect awkward silences, #next break

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert raises his hand and says, "Your honor, is it too late to change sides?" Dogbert continues, "After hearing the evidence, I want to punish my client." After a pause, Dogbert asks, "No?" The Boss glares at Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "I expect some awkward silences during the next break."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2004's comic on:

Tags #opyomotrist, #nears sighted visonaries, #nerve expect worst, #charge price

View Transcript

Transcript

I've decided to become an optometrist for near-sighted visionaries. "They're ideal customers because they never expect the worst." "Which price am I most likely to charge you?" "The low one!"