dilbert: the experts say our architecture is not scalable.
the boss: bah! the experts are biased. i want to hear what the non-experts say.
dilbert: they say we should listen to the experts.
the boss: okay, how about the people who are neither experts not non-experts?
boss: i can't approve your plan until i know what the experts say.
dilbert: i can save us some time by talking to the people who bribe the experts. i'll get the same answer, but faster.
boss yelling: ouch! the truth hurts!
dilbert: take a deep breath. it will pass.
tina: every time i hear you disagreeing with the experts, i lose a little respect for you.
dilbert: are you saying you once had respect for me?
tina crying and yelling: stop being happy about my criticisms!
dilbert: why can't i enjoy the attention?
Boss: Leadership experts say I should never brag about my wealth. Let's just say I'm "comfortable." So very, very comfortable. Alice: Yeah, this isn't working.
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "We've identified the people who will create the system to develop a product process." Dilbert points at a newspaper and continues, "While we were doing that, our competitor created a new Internet product that added a billion dollars to their stock value." Dilbert says, "Experts attribute the company's success to their 'employee of the week' program." The Boss says, "Quick! Hire those experts!"
CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."
Boss: Management experts say bosses should have frequent one-on-one meeting with underlings. Apparently, you need regular doses of my controlling gaze to prevent you from evolving into a lazy, thieving, toxic saboteur. Carol: It's working great. So far I feel less lazy about doing the other things you mentioned.
Boss: Experts say the best leaders have a good sense of humor. I'm an awesome leader, therefore I must be hilarious. Wally: I can't tell if I should laugh at that. Boss: That's because you're not a leader.
Carol: management experts say fat readers are viewed less favorably than athletic ones,
Thats why I didn't order any donuts for your meeting.
The Boss: Or did you just forget to do it?
Carol: I can't take you seriously looking like that.
Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!
