Experts Assure You Comic Strips
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CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."
dilbert: the experts say our architecture is not scalable. the boss: bah! the experts are biased. i want to hear what the non-experts say. dilbert: they say we should listen to the experts. the boss: okay, how about the people who are neither experts not non-experts?
boss: i can't approve your plan until i know what the experts say. dilbert: i can save us some time by talking to the people who bribe the experts. i'll get the same answer, but faster. boss yelling: ouch! the truth hurts! dilbert: take a deep breath. it will pass.
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. He says, "We've identified the people who will create the system to develop a product process." Dilbert points at a newspaper and continues, "While we were doing that, our competitor created a new Internet product that added a billion dollars to their stock value." Dilbert says, "Experts attribute the company's success to their 'employee of the week' program." The Boss says, "Quick! Hire those experts!"
Boss: Management experts say bosses should have frequent one-on-one meeting with underlings. Apparently, you need regular doses of my controlling gaze to prevent you from evolving into a lazy, thieving, toxic saboteur. Carol: It's working great. So far I feel less lazy about doing the other things you mentioned.
Boss: Experts say the best leaders have a good sense of humor. I'm an awesome leader, therefore I must be hilarious. Wally: I can't tell if I should laugh at that. Boss: That's because you're not a leader.
Carol: management experts say fat readers are viewed less favorably than athletic ones, Thats why I didn't order any donuts for your meeting. The Boss: Or did you just forget to do it? Carol: I can't take you seriously looking like that.
Tags #internet & world wide web, #movies, #clever video, #create video, #internet, #go viral, #marketing experts, #engineer, #more passion, #loser attitude, #viral video, #Entertainment, #technology, #engineering
Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!
Boss: Experts say you'll be more engaged if you have a friend at work. And when you're engaged, I can pay you less and you won't quit. Dilbert: So this guy is costing me money? Wally: Don't flatter yourself. I barely know your name.