Boss: This is Sean from the extreme marketing department. He's here to tell us about our new brainwashing technology.
Dilbert: I don't approve of brainwashing.
Sean: That's why I'm going to do you first.
The Boss says to Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice, "We're going to try something called Extreme Programming." The Boss continues, "First, pick a partner. The two of you will work at one computer for forty hours a week." Dilbert and Alice jump on Asok and cling to him. Wally says, "The new system is a minute old and I already hate everyone."
Extreme Programming. Dilbert says to a business associate, "I can't give you all of these features in the first version." Dilbert continues, "And each feature needs to have what we call a 'user story.'" The business associate responds, "Okay, here's a story: you give me all of my features or I'll ruin your life.'"
Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."
The Boss: "Wally, could you.." Wally turns; he has a dotted bubble around his body. The Boss continues, "Oh.. never mind, I see that you're radiating an aura of extreme incompetence." Dilbert, Alice, and Wally are eating lunch. Dilbert says to Wally, "You forgot to turn off your aura." Wally responds, "It takes a minute to cool down."
Alice: We need to talk about my workload. Boss: Okay. I just emailed you two more assignments that I need finished by tomorrow. Alice: You are literally killing me. Boss: I call it extreme managing.
Computer: Based on your internet history, you might be dumb enough to enjoy extreme sports. Click here to buy a ticket to base jump from the International Space Station. Boss: I think the internet is trying to kill me. Dilbert: We call it "machine learning."
Dogbert the security consultant
Dogbert: "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!"
The boss: "That seems a bit extreme."
Dogbert: "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."
Dilbert: "What's wrong with your face?"
Wally: "It's a goatee. I hate goatees, so I am using my powers of extreme uncoolness to make them go away."
Dilbert: "That could work."
man: "GAAA!!!"
Dogbert: "I'm going into the extreme makeover business."
"I'm planning to take it to the next level."
"You'd look good with antlers."
"And the nose has to go."
Man: "Go?"
"Your tiny ears are out of proportion."
"These are ears."
"I'll also rearrange your fat so you can't see it."
"I'll toss in a few extras after you're unconscious, no charge."
"Guess how old I am."
