Alice says, "Who said I wasn't meeting my objectives?" The Boss says, "I can't rememeber." Alice grimaces. The Boss says, "Therefore, I have no reason to doubt the accuracy of the information." Alice says, "Check the facts!" The Boss says, "That sounds like something a guilty person would say."
The Boss: "The vendor is sending their best negotiator."
"You must use all of your engineering training to resist her tricks and look only at the facts."
woman: "And if you agree to infinite liability, you get a .00001% chance of dating me. Plus a minute to play with an unidentified gizmo."
The Boss: I'm making you a sales engineer. You'll be paid on commission." "When our sales reps lie, it will be your job to make it look like the truth." "Try to avoid facts."
Dilbert says, "Here's the mountain of facts that support my recommended technology strategy." Dilbert says, "And here's a tiny thimble that holds everything you know about technology. Maybe you could?" Dilbert says, "Leaders don't like it when you suggest they wear the thimble of knowledge like a little hat."
Keith: Alice is spreading false rumors about me. She's trying to make me quit.
Catbert: "At this company we don't get all anal about the difference between false rumors and actual facts."
Keith: "That's not fair!"
Catbert: "Said the alleged poacher of endangered species."
Alice: I got your stupid email with your stupid link to that stupid scientific study. I don't care about your so-called "facts." I know I'm right! Dilbert: Winning an argument never feels like winning.
Boss: Watch me win this debate on Twitter by providing facts and logic. Now we wait for everyone in the world to change their minds. Dilbert: How's the first minute going? Boss: What is wrong with these monsters?!!
dilbert with face mask: i need a quick decision on this, but i don't have time to compile the relevant facts.
boss with face mask: without facts, i would just be guessing.
dilbert: it won't affect your career average.
boss: why wouldn't it?
dilbert: let's change the subject.
tina: i'm having a disagreement with alice, and i want you to side with me.
dilbert: how about i make up my own mind based on the facts?
tina: that's not going to work for me.
Career Day
Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about."
Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular."
Teacher: "Don't listen to him!"
Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."
