Failure Or Insubordination Comic Strips
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The Boss says, "Asok, I won't have time to hold your hand on this project." The Boss says, "You need to work independently." The Boss says, "And by that I mean you should imagine what I would tell you to do, then do it." Asok says, "But... I can only imagine you telling me stupid things." Asok says, "Holy Shiva! This is a trap!" Asok says, "My choices are failure or insubordination." Asok says, "My only hope is that I'm in one of those hidden camera shows and this is all a big joke on me." Dilbert says, "Find anything?" Asok says, "Can't... stop... looking."
Boss: Failure is the raw material of success. From now on, I will celebrate your failures. Dilbert: Will you still be taking credit for our successes? Boss: That part stays the same. I'm only trying to increase the contrast to your failures.
Alice: Seriously? You're going to do email while I give my status update? Boss: Don't worry. I can multitask. Alice: Multitask? you can barely do one task properly. All you're doing is doubling your rate of failure. Congratulations on becoming the most useless blob of carbon in the universe. Boss: What? Sorry. I missed that. Alice: I said my project is on schedule. Boss: Okay. Great. Alice: This totally works for me.
Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.
Dilbert leans over a table looking at a glass container. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My terrarium experiment is a failure." Dilbert continues, "By now it should have started its own self-contained weather patterns." Dilbert continues, "After all this waiting, it's just so . . . so . . ." Dogbert asks, "Anti-climatic?"
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "One more clever move and I will have written the perfect computer program." Dilbert throws his arms over his head and yells, "Yes!" Dogbert yells, "Spike it in the end zone!" Dilbert throws his computer on the ground and breaks it. Dogbert says, "Another failure of the sports metaphor."
Dogbert sits on a park bench with a woman and a little boy. The woman says, "Our school system is a complete failure, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Why's that?" The woman replies, "The schools should be preparing these kids to be scientists and engineers. That's the only way our economy will prosper." The woman continues, "Instead, we'll be a nation of maids and janitors." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but think how clean it will be."
Wally says to the Boss, "I don't understand how the new reorganization will help us 'focus on our core business.'" Wally continues, "Did our core business change? Or are you saying that EVERY reorg prior to this was a misdirected failure?" The Boss asks hypothetically, "Wally, when a car gets a flat tire, what do you do?" Wally answers, "Well, if I'm you, I rotate the tires and drive home."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "On the advice of my dog, I'm asking for an additional ten million dollars for my project." Dilbert continues, "That will make a more spectacular failure, thus guaranteeing a promotion for me." The Boss replies, "As your boss, I'd get recognition too . . . Okay." Wally asks Dogbert, "Wow! Do you have any advice for me?!" Dogbert replies, "Breath mints."
Asok the Intern says to the Boss, "I have a question about this document marked 'proprietary'." Asok holds a piece of paper and says, "If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I could find anyone who would care about this?" Asok, Dilbert, and Alice are sitting at the lunch table in the cafeteria. Asok looks angry and has his arms folded across his chest. Dilbert explains, "As you gain experience, you'll realize that all logical questions are considered insubordination."