Fake Mergencies Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

82 Results for Fake Mergencies

View 1 - 10 results for fake mergencies comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Mergencies" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doomed projects, #fake mergencies, #more efficient, #unnecessary meetings, #to do list

View Transcript

Transcript

Sitting at his computer, Dilbert thinks to himself "This to-do list will make me more efficient." Dilbert continues thinking to himself, "I have three fake emergencies, two doomed projects, four unnecessary meetings..." At home, Dilbert says to Dogbert "I figured out why you never ask me how my day day went." Dogbert replies, shooing Dilbert away with one hand, "Off you go."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fake press relases, #new green technology, #scientist, #2040 power home, #refrigerator door, #science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green energy technologies." Computer says, "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door." Dilbert says, "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?" Dogbert says, "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computers & peripherals, #internet & world wide web, #fake links, #boost search rank, #dung for barins, #shut your pie hole

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Google found out that we used fake links to boost our search rank. Now our website only shows up when someone enters the search string "dung for brains." Boss: They won't get away with this! Computer: Shut your pie hole.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commerce, #competition (psychology), #hate new product, #customers, #fake revenue projections, #engineer, #stronger company, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: If consumers hate our new product, we will probably go out of business. If they love our new product, a stronger company will enter the space and drive us out of business. CEO: Tell the engineer to stop making me sad. Boss: I have some fake revenue projections to cheer you up.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #annoyance, #online class, #improve charisma, #stupid fake charisma, #weird

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Don't let anyone disturb me. I'll be taking an online class to improve my charisma. Carol: While you're doing that, I'll be taking an online class to learn how to ignore your stupid, fake charisma. BRING IT ON! Boss: Okay, this got weird.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discussion, #ideas, #meeting, #originality, #irrational thinking, #optoistic, #new prodcuts, #faking optomisim, #fake buy in, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mesozoic era, #giant, #plastic, #bone, #fake, #vomit, #wrap, #toss, #tar, #pit

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "You know, Bob, I always pictured you dinosaurs as . . . Uh . . . Much bigger." Bob replies, "Ah, well, you see, practical jokes were very popular in the Mesozoic era . . ." A dinosaur says to a clerk in a novelty store, "Ooh-ooh! Give me the giant plastic bone and one fake vomit!" The salesclerk asks, "Shall I wrap them or just toss them in the tar pits?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #skeptics association, #psychic rat, #passport, #drivers licence, #fake id, #dna test, #never been cloned

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is talking on the telephone and says, "Is this Skeptics Association? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic." Dilbert holds the phone and says, "My name is Dilbert. Yes, I can prove it; I have a pssport and a driver's license. Well, yeah. It's easy to get a fake ID, but..." Hours later... Dilbert is still on the phone, his hair is a mess and he says, "...Okay, what if I take a DNA test? No, I can't prove I've never been cloned!!" He's angry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #silly putty, #fake beauty mark, #too much beauty, #fashion headquarters, #heroin chic, #dogs with tumors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting in a chair and Dogbert says, 'Do you have any 'silly putty' I can use as a fake beauty mark?" Dilbert and Dogbert ist on Dilbert's bed. Dogbert has a huge lump of silly putty on his head. Dilbert holds upa mirror and says, "Maybe you should use less." Dogbert says, "There's no such thing as too much beauty." Meanwhile, at fashion headquaters... One guy looks a photograph and says, "We got away with 'heroin chic.' What's next?" The other guy says, "How about dogs with tumors?" A big pile of photos lies onthe table.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales man, #vendor, #offcie, #fake personality, #buy stuff, #blue things, #so dumb

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a conference table with a salesperson. Dilbert says, "...And we'll buy a dozen of these. We're trying to spend our budget so it doesn't get cut next year." The salesperson says, "This is great! You guys are so dumb that I don't even have to use my fake personality to make the sale!" Dilbert says, "...And nine of these blue things." Salesperson turns away and pulls his pants down. The salesperson says, "There's a full moon on the horizon!"