Search Results for "false alarm"
Share July 14, 1994's comic on:
Employee: So now I have carpal tunnel syndrome... The Boss: ZZZZ Employee: you don't care about the health of your employees! All you care about is money!! The Boss: money? Employee: I need surgery! Im in constant again!! The boss: False alarm. zzz
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Share March 26, 2004's comic on:
Ratbert: Wally is in the men's room. I've accepted a position as his seat filler. This is the proudest day of my life. I never ingrained that my career would work out so well, I want to scream to the world " look at name now" allyL false alarm. you're fired.
Share April 29, 2018's comic on:
Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.
Share March 26, 2011's comic on:
Carol says, "Hey, Asok. I'm updating our employee profiles. Where'd you go to school?" Asok says, "I graduated from the Indian Institute of Technology in Lucknow with a double major in engineering and physics, and a minor in false humility." Asok says, "For my combined thesis I terraformed a planet in another dimension and didn't tell anyone." Carol says, "I'll put 'Indian.'"
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Share September 15, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert walks down the hallway thinking, "Oh, crap. This is the third time today that I will walk by this same guy in the hall. I barely know him." Dilbert continues thinking, "This is so awkward. The first time, I said 'hello.' The second time we both made those closed-mouth grins and arched our eyebrows. What do I do the third time?" Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . So I pulled the fire alarm." Dogbert says, "I don't think Miss Manners is gonna back you on this one."
Share March 18, 1992's comic on:
Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've been using false humility to weasel compliments out of people . . ." Dogbert continues, "But I know YOU're way too smart to fall for that trick, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Actually, I'm as dumb as toast." Dogbert says, "Then I found I could use false compliments to make people insult themselves."
Share April 05, 1995's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I want to assure you that any rumors you've heard are false." The Boss continues, "We are NOT planning to relocate the company to the South Pole where easily trainable native Eskimos will replace you." Dilbert says, "That's good because there aren't any Eskimos at the South Pole." The Boss looks shocked and says, "Excuse me, I have to make a phone call."
Share May 13, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits on his pillow. Ratbert approaches him with a notebook and pen and says, "I'm going to interview successful people and write a book of their tips. I'll start with you, Dogbert." Ratbert writes in his notebook as Dogbert says, "Set your alarm clock to go off every hour. Keep a big vat of 'Jell-O' by the bed. When the alarm goes off, stick our head in the 'Jell-O' and yell, 'Boy, I'm tired!'" Ratbert walks away saying, "Thanks!" Dogbert thinks, "Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company."