False Logic Comic Strips

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113 Results for False Logic

View 1 - 10 results for false logic comic strips. Discover the best "False Logic" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #prejudice, #universities & colleges, #updating employee profiles, #school. indian institute of technology, #double major, #engineering, #false humility, #combined thesis, #terraformed planet

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Carol says, "Hey, Asok. I'm updating our employee profiles. Where'd you go to school?" Asok says, "I graduated from the Indian Institute of Technology in Lucknow with a double major in engineering and physics, and a minor in false humility." Asok says, "For my combined thesis I terraformed a planet in another dimension and didn't tell anyone." Carol says, "I'll put 'Indian.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion, #ognorant, #arrogant, #reading comprehension, #logic

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Man: Your email was ignorant and arrogant. Dilbert: How do you know it isn't just a reading comprehension problem on your end? Let's use logic to see which one of us is right. Bad decision 2. Bad decision 3.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #feeling, #ecstacy, #blend, #logic, #reached, #nerdvana, #emotion

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Dilbert sits at his desk looking at his computer. Dilbert says, "I have become one with my computer." Dilbert continues, "It is a feeling of ecstasy . . . The perfect blend of logic and emotion." Dilbert says, "I have reached . . ." Dogbert says, "Nerdvana."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #behavior, #language, #Dilbert, #zimbu, #charade, #skills, #rote, #logic, #reasoning, #program, #writting, #basic, #work

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Zimbu the Monkey sits at his desk working on the computer. Dilbert says, "It's time to end this charade, Zimbu!" Dilbert continues, "Your language skills are simple rote behavior. Monkeys are incapable of logic and reasoning." Dilbert looks at the computer screen and says, "Ha! And that program you're writing -- it's probably in 'Basic.'" Zimbu asks, "Do you ever work?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #rabert, #false, #humility, #weasel, #compliments, #insult

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Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've been using false humility to weasel compliments out of people . . ." Dogbert continues, "But I know YOU're way too smart to fall for that trick, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Actually, I'm as dumb as toast." Dogbert says, "Then I found I could use false compliments to make people insult themselves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #world will end, #year 2000, #compelling logic, #news

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Dogbert: I've become a doomsday prophet so I can scare gullible people. Im telling everyone the world will end in year 2000. My compelling logic is that 2000 is a big round number. Dogbert: Its BIIIG and ROOUND Dilbert: Stop it!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #no work, #invented code, #accounting systems, #mid 80s, #undocumented spaghetti logic, #holy grail, #technology

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Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #carpal tunnel, #health care, #money, #surgery, #constant agony, #false alarm, #medical

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Employee: So now I have carpal tunnel syndrome... The Boss: ZZZZ Employee: you don't care about the health of your employees! All you care about is money!! The Boss: money? Employee: I need surgery! Im in constant again!! The boss: False alarm. zzz

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 1995's comic on:


Tags #any rumors false, #no plans, #no relocation plans, #south pole, #eskimos, #replaced by, #liar boss

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I want to assure you that any rumors you've heard are false." The Boss continues, "We are NOT planning to relocate the company to the South Pole where easily trainable native Eskimos will replace you." Dilbert says, "That's good because there aren't any Eskimos at the South Pole." The Boss looks shocked and says, "Excuse me, I have to make a phone call."