False Rumors Comic Strips

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68 Results for False Rumors

View 1 - 10 results for false rumors comic strips. Discover the best "False Rumors" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spreading rumors, #make me quit, #false rumors, #actual facts, #poacher, #endangered species

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Keith: Alice is spreading false rumors about me. She's trying to make me quit. Catbert: "At this company we don't get all anal about the difference between false rumors and actual facts." Keith: "That's not fair!" Catbert: "Said the alleged poacher of endangered species."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #any rumors false, #no plans, #no relocation plans, #south pole, #eskimos, #replaced by, #liar boss

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I want to assure you that any rumors you've heard are false." The Boss continues, "We are NOT planning to relocate the company to the South Pole where easily trainable native Eskimos will replace you." Dilbert says, "That's good because there aren't any Eskimos at the South Pole." The Boss looks shocked and says, "Excuse me, I have to make a phone call."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #workplace rumours, #idiot, #false rumor, #charging for rumors

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Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."

False Modesty

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False Modesty - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #universities & colleges, #education, #harvard, #false, #modesty, #major, #face mask

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dilbert wearing face mask: what college did you go to? colleague wearing face mask: i'd rather not say. dilbert: the only people who answer that way are people who went to harvard. do they teach you false modesty? colleague: it was my major.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prejudice, #universities & colleges, #updating employee profiles, #school. indian institute of technology, #double major, #engineering, #false humility, #combined thesis, #terraformed planet

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Carol says, "Hey, Asok. I'm updating our employee profiles. Where'd you go to school?" Asok says, "I graduated from the Indian Institute of Technology in Lucknow with a double major in engineering and physics, and a minor in false humility." Asok says, "For my combined thesis I terraformed a planet in another dimension and didn't tell anyone." Carol says, "I'll put 'Indian.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #rabert, #false, #humility, #weasel, #compliments, #insult

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Ratbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've been using false humility to weasel compliments out of people . . ." Dogbert continues, "But I know YOU're way too smart to fall for that trick, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Actually, I'm as dumb as toast." Dogbert says, "Then I found I could use false compliments to make people insult themselves."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #happiness, #money, #wrong, #invested, #options, #stock, #company, #desk, #zymed, #takeover, #rumors, #idiots

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Am I wrong or did you tell me you invested all of your money in stock options for a company called Zymed?" Dogbert continues, "The radio says the stock price tripled on takeover rumors. You just made about ten million dollars." Dogbert continues, "But they say money can't buy happiness." Dilbert replies, "Apparently 'they' are idiots."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carpal tunnel, #health care, #money, #surgery, #constant agony, #false alarm, #medical

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Employee: So now I have carpal tunnel syndrome... The Boss: ZZZZ Employee: you don't care about the health of your employees! All you care about is money!! The Boss: money? Employee: I need surgery! Im in constant again!! The boss: False alarm. zzz

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #touchy-feely, #department, #rumors, #flying, #lizards, #planet, #business, #zorbians, #team, #players

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Do you have a minute?" The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's touchy-feely stuff." Dilbert asks, "What's going to happen to our department? The rumors are flying." The Boss asks, "What have you heard?" Dilbert replies, "Rumor has it that flying lizards from the planet Zorb will buy the company." Dilbert continues, "They plan to turn the employees into giant corn dogs on sticks." The Boss replies, "Don't worry about rumors. It's business as usual for now." Dilbert gulps and walks away. The Boss thinks, "I think I handled that pretty well." Dilbert and Wally have long sticks on their backs. Dilbert asks, "Are you sure this will impress the Zorbians?" Wally replies, "I hear they like team players."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #false humility, #week, #without using, #experience joy, #long week

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Dilbert eats chips at home. Dogbert says, "Do you think that I have too much false humility?" Dilbert says, "Try going a week withou using any false humilty, so I can see the differrnce" Dogbert wears a crown and stands over Dilber who lies under the covers in bed. Dogbert says, "Wake up, you piece of fetid carp, and experiance the joy of knowing Dogbert!!!" Dilbert thinks, "This could be a long week."