Few Extra Features Comic Strips
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Sales Engineer Sales engineer: I did the hard part of making the sale. All you have to do is install it. I might have promised them a few extra features. Did you bring your own massage table or should I just get naked and sprawl on a desk?
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and another employee sit at a conference table. Dilbert holds a software box and says, "At long last our product is complete. It ships tomorrow." The other employee says, "That's terrific. I only have a few additional features to add and the marketing department will be happy." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss continues, "I believe that our customers want hardware, not software." Wally says to Dilbert, "It's times like this I wish I were a psychopath." Dilbert asks, "You're not?"
Dogbert the Time Management Expert. Dogbert says, "I can tell by looking at you that it doesn't matter what you do with your time." Dogbert says, "I don't think you'll be curing cancer if I give you a few extra hours per week." Dogbert says, "In fact, it would probably increase your chances of getting it." A man says, "Are we done? I need a smoke?"
Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!
Vendor: We'll build your software with all the features you want plus a few extras. Dilbert: "Or maybe you'll start late and claim there's no way to do everything by the deadline." "Then you'll say that the unfinished features aren't important and you're losing money on the deal." Vendor: "I can't hear you."
Dilbert: The project was moving along well until management changed our coding language and methodology. Dilbert: "Now our timeline is represented by this M.C. Escher print of an endless stairway." "This deep-sea submarine is looking for our morale." The Boss: "Would this be a bad time to add a few features?"
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.
Alice: Steer clear of Darryl. He turned feral. Asok: Feral? Dilbert: That's what happens when engineers don't get invited to meetings. Alice: Darryl's only social life was meetings. Dilbert: He didn't get to use his social skills for a few weeks, and apparently he lost them. Asok: Is it like he turned into a wolfman? Dilbert: Yes, except he's better at math. And he howls at the Internet, not the moon. Asok: Can we watch? Man: How-ooo can you blog that?
Boss: Thanks for the suggestion, Asok. I'm going to ignore it because you're not important to my career and I don't like doing extra work. Asok: I'm confused. Why do you have an open-door policy? Boss: How can you leave if the door isn't open?