Five Days Comic Strips
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385 Results for Five Days
View 1 - 10 results for five days comic strips. Discover the best "Five Days" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday May 13,
2002
Tags #ceo visit, #discontinue work, #five days, #illusion of productivity, #diversity, #few open slots
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our CEO is visiting next week. Discontinue all real work immediately." The Boss continues, "We have five days to create the illusion of productivity." The Boss points to a clipboard and says, "Here's the diversity sign-up sheet. We still have a few open slots that only require a hat."
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Monday May 13,
1991
Monday August 03,
1992
Tags #god, #language, #report, #Dilbert, #tim, #monkey, #incan, #awful, #write, #lucky, #translate
Transcript
Dilbert says to Tim, "Gee, Tim, you look awful." Tim replies, "I've been working for five days without any sleep to finish this report." Tim's clothes are disheveled and he has circles under his eyes. Tim continues, "At first I had a mental block. But on the fourth day I was visited by an Incan monkey god who told me what to write." Dilbert replies, "Wow, lucky break." Tim says, "Now I just have to find somebody who can translate his simple but beautiful language."
Sunday October 18,
2020
When To Reply To Boss Text
Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text
Transcript
wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.
Sunday March 01,
1998
Tags #good news, #budgets, #calculations, #salary bidget, #vacation days, #got greedy
Transcript
At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Good news on your budgets. I did some recalculating last night." The Boss says, "I found a way to give more money to every project without increasing the total budget for projects!" Wally raises his hand and says, "Question: Does your new way involve poor math skills?" Wally has a question mark above his head. Alice puts her arm in front of him and says, "Ignore the skeptic. Hey, I have a suggestion!" Alice says, "Maybe you could recalculate the salary budget for next year." Dilbert says, "And when was the last time you recalculated the vacation days?" Wally, using his calculator wrist watch, says, "I calculate that we have an hour left for this meeting, but I'm interested in YOUR caculation." Dilbert, Wally and Alice walk out of the meeting counting stacks of money. Dilbert says, "I think we got greedy when we asked if he change for a five." They whistle as they leave.
Monday September 03,
2007
Tags #project, #300 days, #complete, #finish by 5oclock, #clean desk, #fired, #lose interest
Transcript
The Boss: "I hired all of you because the project will take 300 man days to complete." "There are 300 of you, so I want you to finish by five o'clock and clean out your desks. You're all fired." "If it takes more than one meeting to manage a project, I lose interest."
Thursday May 05,
2011
Tags #frustration, #office workers, #solving problem, #stadardization policies, #high five
Transcript
Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?
Sunday August 14,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #research facilities, #work home, #2 days, #twice as prodcutive, #elaborate science experiment, #commute to sit in box, #control group, #frustration
Transcript
Dilbert: Can I work at home for two days per week? I can be twice as productive, and happier at the same time. Boss: I probably shouldn't tell you this... but you're part of an elaborate science experiment to see how much frustrations it takes to kill employees. Why else would the company make you commute for two hours a day just to sit in a tiny box? Don't feel bad: no one told me either. I had to piece it together from the evidence. Now I do my part to keep the experiment moving along. Dilbert: Other people work from home. Boss: Are you referring to the control group?
Monday October 17,
2011
Tags #writing, #writing materials, #five technology plan, #plan for ceo, #pie chart
Transcript
Boss: I need you to put together a five-year technology plan for our CEO. Dilbert: Sure. How about "tomorrow will be the same as today, and next year will be all flying cars and whatnot." Boss: Word it up and put a bow on it. Dilbert: I'll add a pie chart for the sizzle.
Sunday November 20,
2011
Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss
Transcript
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?