Five Hundred Comic Strips
286 Results for Five Hundred
View 1 - 10 results for five hundred comic strips. Discover the best "Five Hundred" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 17, 1996's comic on:
The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."
Share January 26, 2001's comic on:
DISCOUNT BROKERAGE: Dogbert is in his office wearing a headset. He says, "When you open an account, you'll get a free dart board and a monkey." Dogbert continues, "If your balance drops below five hundred dollars, we'll order the monkey to kill you." Dogbert continues, "Well, think about it and get back to me."
Share August 13, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert says to a customer, "I can let you have this one for five thousand." The man says, "Three thousand." Dogbert replies, "No, but I could sell THAT car for four thousand." The man says, "Thirty-five hundred." Dogbert replies, "Sold." The man says as he drives away in the car, "I guess you don't get a lot of negotiators like me." Dogbert says, "It's the first time anybody bought the car they came here in."
Share May 16, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "I gave five hundred dollars to charity this year." Dilbert continues, "I believe it's my moral duty to help those less fortunate." Dilbert lifts Dogbert onto a rock. Dogbert asks, "Five hundred dollars? What kind of morality is that?" Dogbert continues, "People are starving and you still have plenty of money left for your hobbies." Dogbert continues, "According to YOUR moral code it's more important for you to have a new computer than for poor people to eat." Dogbert continues, "Morality? Ha! You spent five hundred bucks to ease your own guilt!" Dilbert replies, "And it worked. I feel pretty good." Dilbert asks, "How much did YOU give to charity?" Dogbert replies, "A thousand. That's why I'm so torqued."
Share June 01, 2000's comic on:
The Boss says aloud, "The five hundred dollar morale improvement award goes to Ed." Shocked, Ed looks at the check and screams "Gaa!! It's only $240 after taxes!!!" Wally says to Dilbert, "So that's what good morale looks like." Dilbert replies, "Apparently we've had it the whole time."
Share July 26, 2003's comic on:
Dogbert: "For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you." "Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark, and George Meson." "It comes with an unsigned certificate!" Dilbert: "I like 'em clean."
Share November 23, 2003's comic on:
CatBert: "The new batch of job applicants is more desperate than usual." "Excellent." The Boss: "Five hundred qualified people applied for this position." "Who wants this job the most?" "I plan to pummel each applicant with a variety of objects, beginning with very soft items." "Then I'll gradually move toward harder materials until only one person is left." "I'll begin with this soft sugar doughnut." "ZING. PIFF!" "Thank you." CAtBert: "How are theur attitudes?" "Refreshingly upbeat!"
Share June 20, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert stands at a hotel concierge desk. The desk attendant says, "The room costs five dollars a night." The attendant continues, saying, "The mini-bar has a motion detector; you will be charged three hundred dollars everytime you get within eight feet of it." The room is small and the mini-bar is in the center of the room. Dilbert crouches in the corner of his room next to his bed, thinking, "This is going to be a long night."
Share May 05, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: Congratulations on solving every important problem in the world. I assume that's what happened. Otherwise, you wouldn't have time to create desk standardization policies. High five?
Share October 17, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I need you to put together a five-year technology plan for our CEO. Dilbert: Sure. How about "tomorrow will be the same as today, and next year will be all flying cars and whatnot." Boss: Word it up and put a bow on it. Dilbert: I'll add a pie chart for the sizzle.