Forcing Anyone Comic Strips
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224 Results for Forcing Anyone
View 1 - 10 results for forcing anyone comic strips. Discover the best "Forcing Anyone" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 13,
2004
Tags #immoral to sell, #40 thousand, #shard filled donuts, #forcing anyone, #irrestibibly delcious
Transcript
Dilbert: "Is it immoral for my company to sell forty-thousand calorie, shard-filled doughnuts?" Dogbert: "You're not forcing anyone to eat them; you're just making them irresistibly delicious." Dilbert: "How's that different?" Dogbert: "Bah!"
Saturday February 17,
1996
Tags #agreement, #grant, #sign, #strategic omissions, #waiver, #proofread, #company, #forcing to sign, #business
Transcript
Dilbert sits on the couch with his knees bent. He hands a document to Dogbert and says, "Look at the agreement my company is forcing us to sign. They claim the rights to any idea an employee ever has." Dilbert looks at the document and says, "No problem. Just retype it with a few strategic omissions and sign it. They can't proofread every one." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be dishonest?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe you could just show them some of your ideas and they'd grant a waiver."
Monday September 29,
1997
Tags #document marked proprietary, #find anyone, #gain experience, #logical questions, #insubordination
Transcript
Asok the Intern says to the Boss, "I have a question about this document marked 'proprietary'." Asok holds a piece of paper and says, "If I spent my whole life searching, do you think I could find anyone who would care about this?" Asok, Dilbert, and Alice are sitting at the lunch table in the cafeteria. Asok looks angry and has his arms folded across his chest. Dilbert explains, "As you gain experience, you'll realize that all logical questions are considered insubordination."
Friday June 29,
2001
Tags #anyone offers food, #dont eat, #fill in receptionist, #impression visitors, #face of company
Transcript
The Boss comes to Carol's desk and says, "Carol, I need you to fill in for our receptionist today." The Boss continues, "Remember, you will be the face of our company, the first impression for visitors." Carol is seen at the receptionist's desk. A visitor stands at the desk looking surprised as Carol says, "If anyone offers you food, don't eat it."
Thursday May 06,
2004
Tags #elbonia, #call center, #moved call centers, #anyone will notice, #disguised location
Transcript
The Boss: "We've moved our call centers to Elbonia but we don't think anyone will notice." Elbonia: "Hello, how may I help you? My name is Kruphnehdahpheweundikaniswalyniaphorganopop." "I mean...Carl."
Saturday December 04,
2004
Tags #biggest customer, #key to learning, #fire, #trust anyone
Transcript
The Boss: "Wally, did you tell our biggest customer that everyone here except you is an escaped felon?" Wally: "Maybe." The Boss: "Now I can't fire you because they don't trust anyone else." wally: "The key learning here is that alleged crime doesn't pay." the boss; "I've never been caught!"
Tuesday April 26,
2005
Tags #rated good, #you're not good, #company policy, #fire anyone, #hiring freeze, #get paid
Transcript
The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."
Monday November 07,
2005
Tags #dance club, #allow anyone, #screen potential customers, #dance moves, #incorporated air guitar
Transcript
I opened a dance club that's so exclusive I don't allow anyone in. "I personally screen every potential customer until I find a reason to exclude." "Have your dance moves ever incorporated the air guitar?" "Yes."
Sunday April 16,
2000
Tags #sales call, #long distance, #how long?, #50 miles long, #don't know anyone
Transcript
The Boss' phone rings and he thinks to himself, "Again? That thing rang last week, too." A telephone company representative calls the Boss. "Hello. May I interest you in long distance phone service?" The Boss replies, "How long is it?" The telephone representative answers, "Umm...it's very long. Extremely long." The Boss replies in a demanding manner with one arm thrust in the air, "I need to know exactly how long it is!" The Boss continues to say, "If it's too short I'll have to shout the last mile! I hate that." The telephone respresentative replies, "Okay...it's fifty miles long." The Boss responds, "No, thanks. I don't know anyone fifty miles away."
Wednesday October 22,
2008
Tags #graphics dept, #approve outisde services, #forcing to fail, #justify budget, #my cubicle, #imagine futility
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Our graphics department is too busy to help me and won't approve outside services." Dilbert says, "They're forcing me to fail so they can justify a bigger budget next year." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle trying to imagine what futility doesn't feel like."