Dilbert: My phone is like a time machine. I can fast-forward through the boring parts of life by playing with it. Dogbert: Hand it over. Time flies when I'm not having fun.
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Sometimes you have to move forward just to stay where you are." The Boss continues, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem." The Boss asks, "How can we use our strengths against our competitors' weaknesses?" Dilbert replies, "We could bore them to death with your cliches."
The Boss leans against a desk or table and says to Dilbert, "I suggest that you deal with the issue on a going forward basis." Dilbert says, "Thanks for ruling out time travel. You're usually not that helpful." In the cafeteria, Alice, Wally and Dilbert are eating lunch. Alice says, "Are you saying he understands the concept of 'time' now?" Dilbert says, "Or he just got lucky on this one."
Dilbert, on the phone, says, "I'm trying to find someone who can help me with a payroll problem." A worker on the phone says, "You're close. I'm the guy who forwards your call to the wrong person." Dilbert says, "I'd like to speak with your supervisor." The voice on the other end of the line says, "I'll forward your call."
As Dilbert knocks at his door, The Boss thinks, "I must clear my mind of all thoughts." The Boss says, "At the end of the day we'll be in a market space on a going forward basis." The Boss says, "Om... Om... Page..." Dilbert says, "I'll come back when you're done practicing being useless."
The Boss types, "Trie to be moor prophesional in your commudicashuns." Dilbert and Wally read the email. Dilbert giggles at his computer, "Hee Hee!" Wally says, "Let's forward it to all our friends so they can see what an idiot we work for." Dilbert says, "But you're my only friend." Wally replies, "Don't flatter yourself."
Dilbert: Ted is being rude and helpful. Can you ask his boss to remove him from the project?
The Boss: I'll forward this to Ted. That should help.
Dilbert: I wonder how people solved problems before email.
Asok: Do you have a philosophy for life? Wally: I try to make the world a better place. Have you heard the phrase, "Pay it forward?" Asok: Yes. Wally: I'm the end of the line for that sequence of events. It saves the rest of you a lot of work.
Dilbert approaches a man holding a door open and thinks, "I wish this guy wouldn't try to be polite and hold the door." Dilbert reaches for the door and thinks, "I'm at that awkward distance where I should lunge forward so he doesn't have to hold the door too long." Dilbert says, "Oh, thank you." The man says as he walks away, "Great, now I'm late." Dilbert says, "I lunged as fast as I could. Sorry."
Andy: Androids want to be like humans. Tell me what humans do.
Dilbert: Mostly, they eat, sleep, and hope they don't die.
Andy: That's it?
Dilbert: Unless they find religion... Then they eat, sleep, and look forward to dying.
