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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2005's comic on:

Tags #liberty, #calculating, #how eich, #willing to date, #happily married, #four trillion dollars

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Carol: I took the liberty of calculating how rich you'd have to be... "Before I'd be willing to date you. The number is four trillion dollars." "You're happily married." "That's all factored in."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 1996's comic on:

Tags #become mimes, #blame the mimes, #debug, #elbonia, #four million dollars, #one million dollars, #quality assurance, #software, #programmers, #engineering

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Dilbert points to a diagram on an overhead projector. Dilbert says to the Boss, "You saved one million dollars by having programmers in Elbonia write software for us." Dilbert continues, "But we wasted four million dollars trying to debug the software." Dilbert continues, "And the entire staff of our quality assurance group quit to become mimes." The Boss responds, "Let's blame the mimes; they won't talk."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2005's comic on:

Tags #no budeget, #give raisem, #business trip las vegas, #four million, #bathrub, #flooded five floors, #bartenders

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The Boss: "Don't blame me, but there's no budget to give you a raise this year." Alice: "Why not?" The boss: "My business trip to Las Vegas cost four million dollars because I passed out in the bathtub with the water running and flooded five floors." The boss; "The bartenders there are totally irresponsible."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2004's comic on:

Tags #over paid, #4 dollars, #honest, #reports mistake, #bowels of bureaucarzy, #correct injustice

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ASOK: There is an error on my tiny paycheck. It is four dollars too much. The Boss: Gasp! Now you must travel to the bowels of the bureaucracy to correct the injustice, Asok: or I could just keep it as a reward for my honesty. The Boss: Bowles I say!!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2005's comic on:

Tags #10 million dollars, #company, #four people, #weather website, #web monitoring, #business

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"Alice, this year you did the work of four people and made over $10 million for the company." "But according to our web monitoring software, you used company resources to look at a weather web site." "Thief."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2011's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #stock market, #hedge fund, #million dollars, #insider trading, #algorithm, #winning trades, #create algorithm, #eat fiber, #money

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Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2012's comic on:

Tags #actions & defenses, #billion dollars, #business ethics, #golden key, #rich people, #top 1%, #flying unicorn

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Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2012's comic on:

Tags #prosperity, #saving & investment, #portfolio, #standard industry, #investing, #billion dollars, #index funds, #money

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Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #arm, #doctor, #dollars, #against, #mine, #Word, #treatment, #malpractice

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "You're healthy. That's fifty dollars." Dilbert says angrily, "You haven't even looked at my arm!" The man says, "Who's the doctor here?" Dilbert replies, "Apparently, neither of us." The man says, "Right. So it's just your word against mine."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #lenin, #twenty, #bucks, #king, #commies, #available, #stores, #dollars, #wall, #communism

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Dogbert walks down the sidewalk and a man standing against a building whispers, "Pssst! Dog! Would you like to purchase Lenin's body?" The man continues, "Twenty bucks. He's in great shape . . . The king of commies . . . Not available in stores." Back at home, Dogbert pushes a man's body against the wall. Dilbert asks, ". . . And you talked him down to ten dollars?" Dogbert asks, "Do you like it better against this wall?"