Freaks Out Comic Strips
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The Boss calls after Dilbert, "Dilbert, come here for a minute." The Boss and Dilbert are walking towards The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "I need to talk to you about..." He is interrupted by the ringing telephone. The Boss is on the telephone. He holds up his finger at Dilbert. Dilbert thinks, "He's giving me the 'wait' signal." Dilbert continues to think, "I have nothing to look at, nothing to fiddle with, nothing to do." Dilbert continues to think, "I'll try thinking about how my mind controls my muscles." Dilbert's arms start shaking. He thinks, "Uh-oh... I'm getting too conscious of my muscles and it's freaking me out." Dilbert falls back and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! I've lost my mind-body connection!!" Dilbert is on the floor with his feet up in the air. The Boss says into the phone, "The problem with my engineers is that they don't idle well."
Roxanne, the cute girl, and Dogbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert says, "As much as I like the petting, I still have to break up with you, Roxanne." Roxanne says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "Humans are kind intelligent, well-adjusted creatures, until you get to know them." Roxanne screams, "May the horned demons of Ixpah smite you like the last six!!!" Dogbert walks away and says, "This is what I'm talking about."
Wally: "To what project would I charge my time in the following situation?" "Let's say that a pair of corrective lenses falls in a urinal, and the owner freaks out and calls 911..." "It hasn't happened yet but I can feel it building up."
Alice, to the Boss, who is sitting at his desk, "...So our morale is... umm..." Alice asks, "What's that on your desk?" The Boss says, "It's a family picture." Alice picks up the photograph, "I might be wrong but I think it's only a picture of you." The Boss says, "The rest of the family is hard to look at." The Boss continues, "I see no reason I should suffer." Alice is stunned. The Boss asks, "Now what was your question about morale?" Alice walks out of the Boss' office. He calls to her, "Alice?" The Boss picks up the picture of himself and says, directly to it, "We're surrounded by freaks."
co-worker: i don't like what you wrote about my project, so i took one of your quotes out of context, to make you look dumb, and sent it to your boss. dilbert: that won't work, because once i explain the proper context, he will see there is nothing to it. later that day. dilbert: ...so, as you can see, that quote was out of context. boss yelling: liar!!!
Dilbert: I hope I'm not calling too late. What time is it in Elbonia? Elbonian: We're seventy years in your future. I'm the great grandson of the guy you are trying to reach. By the way, that SETI thing won't work out the way you're hoping.
Dilbert: Asok, there's no nice way to say this... do this mindless task for me because you're nothing but an intern and your time has very little value. Asok: There probably was a nice way to say that. Dilbert: It didn't jump out.
Wally: I'm toying with the idea of becoming a useful member of society. Then I could enjoy the admiration and respect of my peers. Dilbert: The way you respect and admire me? Wally: Great! Now you've talked me out of it!
Dilbert: I'm sick of listening to whiny idiots. Do you have a pill for that? Doctor: I sure do! I took a handful of them this morning and I feel great in spite of your complaining! How funny would it be if I make you run on a treadmill until you pass out?
Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.