Free To Concentrate Comic Strips
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253 Results for Free To Concentrate
View 1 - 10 results for free to concentrate comic strips. Discover the best "Free To Concentrate" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday November 08,
2005
Tags #unpleasant parts, #free to concentrate, #do startegy
Transcript
"I'd like to hire someone to do all of the unpleasant parts of my job." "That way I'll be free to concentrate on strategy." "Fair enough." "Secondly, I'd like to hire someone to do strategy."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday February 04,
2015
Free Will Is An Illusion
Tags #business ethics, #free will, #robot, #robotics, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #cloud connected, #control humans
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.
Thursday August 20,
2015
Dilbert Has Free Will
Tags #free will, #crime, #invention, #murder, #control, #self control, #guilt, #innocence
Transcript
Police Officer: Halt! You are under arrest for killing Ted in a cafeteria fight. Dilbert: I am innocent. My brain stimulator had a software glitch that made me do it. Police Officer: But you had free will, right? Dilbert: Do I have to believe in magic just to get arrested?
Sunday June 19,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #walkways, #minute, #meeting, #walk and talk, #barely concentrate, #prove underling wrong, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you have a minute? Boss: I'm on my way to a meeting. Follow me. We'll walk and talk. Dilbert: I don't see how this can possibly work. You can barely concentrate when you're sitting perfectly still. When you add the extra complexity of walking, it's like asking a squirrel to land a 747. Boss: Must... prove underling... wrong... Noise: BONK! Dilbert: I didn't know that being right could feel so good.
Thursday September 22,
2011
Tags #joking, #questioning, #feel free, #questions, #ghosts have clothes, #wedgie
Transcript
Boss: Are there any questions? Feel free to ask anything at all. Wally: Why do ghosts have clothes? Dilbert: If someone gives you a wedgie at the moment you die, will you have it for eternity?
Tuesday October 04,
2011
Tags #commerce, #mergers & acquisitions, #slavery is illeagal, #engineers are free, #find jobs, #better companies
Transcript
Boss: We're buying an entire company just to get their engineers. Dilbert: Are you aware that slavery is illegal and the engineers are free to find jobs at better companies? Boss: I sure hope you're wrong about that.
Monday November 14,
2011
Tags #biology, #chemistry, #practical jokers, #biotech field, #giving free flu shots, #stem cells, #science
Transcript
Man: I learned the hard way that a lot of people who work in the biotech field are practical jokers. I thought my company was giving free flu shots. Stupid stem cells.
Friday November 25,
2011
Tags #retail business, #service business, #buy company's prodcut, #pulling teeth, #commissions to salary, #free from tyranny, #customer service, #less than ideal, #no paperwork
Transcript
Dilbert: I want to buy your company's product but it's like pulling teeth with you. Man: Ha ha! I switched from commissions to a guaranteed salary. I'm free from the tyranny of customer service! Dilbert: This is less than ideal. Man: No paperwork for me! Woot! Woot!
Sunday February 19,
2012
Tags #charge customers, #free features, #customers, #abusive realtionship, #move in direction, #put up with
Transcript
Boss: We've decided to charge customers for features they currently get for free. Dilbert: Um... Have you considered how our customers might react? Boss: Obviously. Wally: I'd like to hear how that reasoning process went. Boss: Fine. Customers love us and they will put up with anything we dish out. Wally: So... It's sort of an abusive relationship? Boss: Not yet, but we're trying to move in that direction.
Sunday March 18,
2012
Tags #algorithm, #attraction, #creative men, #creativity is random, #dating, #free will, #humans, #illusion, #moist robots, #parties, #shop around, #short term relationsips, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: Okay, what's going on here? Dilbert: I'm creative. Studies show that women prefer creative men for short-term relationships. Woman: That plant is random, not creative. Dilbert: Creativity is random. If creativity were anything but random, someone would have figured out the algorithm by now. I notice that your pupils are dilating. That's a sign of attraction. My plan is working. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. Just relax and let it happen. Woman: This is weird. I'm actually attracted to you now. Dilbert: Thanks, but I'm going to shop around. Woman: My world no longer makes sense! Dilbert: Walk it off.