Friendly Ones Comic Strips
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132 Results for Friendly Ones
View 1 - 10 results for friendly ones comic strips. Discover the best "Friendly Ones" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 14,
1994
Tags #project dew drop, #test report, #explodes, #beta trial, #friendly customers, #killed, #friendly ones, #project ducky
Transcript
The Boss: I agreed to ship Project 'Dewdrop' to some customers for beta testing. Dilbert: Didn't you read my test report? Dewdrop explodes when you plug it in. The Boss: we'll limit the beta trial to friendly customers. Dilbert: we killed all the friendly ones with project ducky.
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Monday April 11,
2011
Tags #fraternization, #internet & world wide web, #friends with ghoats, #real freinds, #imaginary ones, #idea is ridiculous, #ridiculous idea, #facebook freinds
Transcript
Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?
Sunday June 03,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #valuable, #collect, #good ones, #stamps, #fulfilling, #adrenalin rush
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a table and looks at a stamp through a magnifying glass. Dogbert asks, "Why do people collect stamps?" Dilbert replies, "Because they're valuable." Dogbert asks, "Why are they valuable?" Dilbert replies, "Because people collect up all the good ones." Dogbert says, "So, you collect stamps because they're valuable, and they're valuable because you collect them." Dilbert replies, "Right." Dogbert says, "Sounds pretty fulfilling." Dilbert replies, "To be honest, I just do it for the adrenalin rush."
Wednesday September 18,
1996
Tags #review 80 million lines, #computer code, #system, #probelm, #year 2000, #all zeros and ones
Transcript
Dogbert and Ratbert stand on a desk chair in front of a computer. Dogbert says, "Ratbert, your job is to review eighty million lines of computer code in the company's systems." Dogbert explains, "You're looking for any reference to the current year. Those pieces of code will be a problem when the year is 2000." Six months later, Ratbert and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Ratbert says, "I'm happy to report that the date did not show up once. In fact, it was all just zeros and ones!" Dogbert thinks, "Oops."
Monday April 21,
1997
Tags #family friendly policies, #higher profits, #high profits, #true costs, #camouflage, #five minute break
Transcript
A woman points at a chart and says, "My study shows that the companies with 'Family Friendly' policies have higher profits." Dilbert sits in the audience with Wally, Alice and other employees. He raises his hand and says, "Question: Do family policies cause high profits or do high profits simply camouflage the true costs of the policies?" The woman says, "We'll take a five-minute break so the married people can slap you for asking that." Dilbert says, "Ouch!"
Thursday April 24,
1997
Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #discriminated against, #family emergencies, #ratted out boss, #family friendly policy, #love family
Transcript
Alice sits in a chair and Catbert sits on a couch. Alice says, "I'm being discriminated against because I take time off for family emergencies." Catbert replies, "I'll handle this by telling your boss that you ratted him out to the Director of Human Resources." Alice says, "I thought we had a 'Family Friendly' policy." Catbert says, "The key word is FRIENDLY. You've been acting as if you LOVE your family."
Thursday August 07,
1997
Tags #analysts, #got a raise, #growth, #lazy ones, #open book management, #smooth earnigs, #stock market, #money
Transcript
The Boss says to Asok the Intern, "So you see, if you got a raise, our earnings growth wouldn't be so smooth." The Boss asks, "And smooth earnings are good for who?" Asok ventures a guess, "Stock market analysts?" The Boss corrects him, "Specifically, the lazy ones." Asok says, "I'm fine. Now that I understand."
Saturday September 04,
1999
Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #reduce airline expense, #weed out dumb ones, #sprint across runway, #cling to plane, #takeoff
Transcript
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert types, "To reduce airline travel expenses..." Dilbert reads, "Sprint across the runway and cling to plane during takeoff." Catbert thinks, "That will weed out the dumb ones."
Sunday September 20,
1998
Tags #personal business, #lunch hour, #work through lunch, #take full hour, #internet, #business only, #limited zeros and ones, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert leans his head in the Boss's office and says, "I'm going to do some personal business during my lunch hour." Dilbert continues, "Normally I would work through lunch." Dilbert says, "But this will take a full hour." Dilbert turns to leave and says, "It would only take two minutes if I used the Internet." Dilbert turns back towards the Boss and wags his finger, saying, "But the internet is for business use only!" The Boss stares as Dilbert says, "Our company has a limited number of zeroes and ones." Dilbert holds out his arms and says, "When they're gone, they're gone. Furthermore..." Wally looks at Dilbert and asks, "You mocked him for a full hour?" Dilbert says, "Now it's time to eat."
Friday February 02,
2001
Tags #83% spat, #customer satisfaction survey, #the lucky ones, #died of dehydration, #results of survey
Transcript
A female employee says to The Boss and Wally, "The results of our customer satisfaction survey are in." The female employee says, "83% spat at their telephones until they died of dehydration." Asok the Intern, The Boss and Wally listen as the female employee continues, "We're calling that group 'The Lucky Ones'."