Full Disclosure Comic Strips

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175 Results for Full Disclosure

View 1 - 10 results for full disclosure comic strips. Discover the best "Full Disclosure" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diseases, #employees, #frustration, #new bad apple, #joining project, #full disclosure, #totally contagious, #immune, #worms, #business, #medical

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Coworker: I'm the new bad apple. I'll be joining your project. In the interest of full disclosure, this is totally contagious. Wally: I'm immune, but not for reasons I'm proud of. Coworker: You must be Wally.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #flowers, #woman, #non-refundable, #date, #deposit, #diskette, #dating, #history, #personal, #references, #financial, #disclosure, #rejection, #notice, #verbal

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Dilbert hands a woman flowers and says, "Here are the flowers and the non-refundable date deposit." Dilbert hands the woman a diskette and says, "This diskette has my dating history, personal references and full financial disclosure." Dilbert asks, "When may I expect the rejection notice?" The woman replies, "I can give you a verbal now . . ."

Glass Is Half Full

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Glass Is Half Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #glass, #half empty, #half full, #the engineer, #pie hole

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The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.

Alice's Brain Is Full

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Alice's Brain Is Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #brain, #full, #memory, #work

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boss: why aren't you working? alice: my brain is full. boss: i'll check back later. alice: i won't remember you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

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Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #flattery, #suspicion, #manipulate, #full benefit, #wisdom, #george clooney

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Dilbert: We can manipulate the pointy-haired menace into picking the right plan by comparing it to the worst alternatives. Alice: But then we wouldn't get the full benefit of his wisdom. Dilbert: Is he behind me? Alice: It might be George Clooney. I can't tell them apart.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #envy, #big promotion, #congratulations, #not jealous, #good work, #art of full body lying

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Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #golf, #video games, #pebble beach, #xbox, #full spectrum, #lamp, #fresh air, #house, #windows, #played golf, #coffee, #Sports, #Entertainment

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Co-worker: I played golf at Pebble Beach over the weekend. Dilbert: I played that course on Xbox. Co-worker: That's totally different. Dilbert: I used a full spectrum lamp to simulate sunlight. Co-worker: I got fresh air! Dilbert: You should get a house that has windows. They're terrific.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bluetooth, #bluetooth headset, #cyborg, #doctors, #ear, #full human, #happiness, #intraocular lenses, #inventions, #pill form, #powered by chemistry, #streaming video, #surgically enbed, #vision correction, #dentits, #special surgery, #psychology

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Dilbert: I know I'd be happier as a cyborg than a full human. I want you to surgically embed a bluetooth headset in my ear, powered by my own body chemistry. And I'd like intra-ocular lenses with vision correction and streaming video over bluetooth. Doctor: Happiness only comes in pill form.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #blind, #date, #full-bodied, #indivudal, #light, #overweight, #base, #camp, #ankles

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Dogbert sits on the bed watching Dilbert tie his tie. The doorbell rings and Dogbert says, "Must be your blind date. I'll let her in." Dilbert asks, "How's she look?" Dogbert replies, "Well, you could say she's a full-bodied individual." Dilbert asks, "You mean she's a little overweight?" Dogbert replies, "I mean Sherpas have established a base camp on her ankles."