Funny Faces Comic Strips
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Dilbert, Wally, Alice, the Boss and Ted sit at a conference table. Ted says, "If there are no objections, I'd like to make funny faces and tell a long rambling story." Ted continues, ". . . So, then I said 'You want the MONTHLY report, not the DAILY report.' . . . But that got me thinking . . . So . . ." Ted says, "Blah blah blah" and waves his arms. The Boss thinks, "I can top that."
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, you should act as if you're your own boss." Alice replies, "Okay." Alice grabs her hair into two sections and says, "My hair is pointy and I'm confused. Suddenly I have no respect for myself." Alice looks dazed. She slumps in her chair and says, "Must...golf... now." The Boss responds, "That is so-o-o not funny."
co-worker: i can't support this project because you're all a bunch of corrupt, godless communists. dilbert: just out of curiosity, where did you get your education? co-worker: i learned everything i need to know on social media. dilbert: how does that help you evaluate a technical proposal? co-worker: it's simple. i take one look at all of your faces, and i know everything i need to know. co-worker looking at wally: i mean, look at this guy's face. he's obviously a grifter. wally: lucky guess. co-worker looking at alice: this one obviously has anger issues. dilbert: i demand a larger sample size! co-worker: whatever geek face.
Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.
Boss: I hired a humor consultant to teach us how to have more fun at work. Dilbert: Does he cancel out the consultant you hired to filter our Internet access to entertainment? Wally: That was a funny comment. How'd you do that without a consultant?
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "As my dog, I think you should be doing more to help me meet attractive single women during our walks." Dilbert continues, "Try to be cuter, and look more pet-able." Dilbert continues, "And it's not funny when you do your impression of a frothing mad dog every time somebody walks by." Dogbert replies, "That's my John Sununu impression."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table on which four elves are standing. Dilbert reads from a document, "We the elves make the following demands . . ." Dilbert holds up a fly swatter and asks, "Wouldn't it be funny if I just slapped your pointy hats flat?" The elves walk away wearing flattened hats. An elf says, "I cannot believe what passes for funny around here."
The caption says, "Their cars are always clean." A man polishes his car with a cloth. The caption says, "They write letters to express their outrage." A man sits at a table with an open newspaper next to him. The man writes, "Dear Editor, The funny pages is no place for sarcasm! Think about the CHILDREN!" The caption says, "They read the same book more than once." Dilbert sits in his chair reading a book and laughing. Dogbert says, "They are the people with way too much time on their hands."
Dogbert says to Noriko, "Take Bob with you, Noriko. You'll need help saving the planet for your generation." Noriko and Bob the Dinosaur walk down the sidewalk. Noriko says, "I have a black belt in karate. What skills do you bring to the party?" Bob replies, "Wedgies, mostly." Bob picks a man up by his underwear and explains, "It's not as menacing as karate, but you have to love the expressions on their faces." Noriko says, "Turn him this way."
Tina: "Dilbert, I'm forming a small clique of all the young, funny, single people in the department." "We'll have drinks during lunch, talk about ski trips, and have romances within the group." Dilbert: "Please...just shoot me now." Tina: "No, no...we need you to do our work."