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12 Results for Generate
View 1 - 10 results for generate comic strips. Discover the best "Generate" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday March 02,
2012
Tags #business ethics, #environmental issues, #fracking, #competitors, #headquarters, #pollute water, #generate earthquakes, #fracking awesome
Transcript
CEO: We're going to start fracking under our biggest competitors headquarters. My plan is to pollute their water and generate earthquakes to destroy their campus. The project code name is "fracking awesome." Dilbert: Catchy.
Monday June 22,
1992
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #accomplish, #performance, #worthless, #generate, #license
Transcript
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Tell me what you've accomplished this year so I can write your performance appraisal." Dilbert answers, "The inventions I made last year - that you thought were worthless, will generate twelve million in license fees next year!" The Boss asks, "So, no real accomplishments THIS year?"
Friday April 30,
2004
Tags #least popular feature, #generate revenue, #save money, #steal idea
Transcript
Dilbert: I recommend that we eliminate the least popular features because they cost us more than they generate in revenue. The Boss: I have an idea. Lets laminate the least popular features to save money. Dilbert: I suggest that we eliminate the least popular features . The Boss: I steal that idea to infinity.
Wednesday July 28,
2004
Tags #founder of compnay, #tug up, #copper wire, #replaced tombstone, #huge magnet, #business practivces, #spin in grave, #generate electricity
Transcript
"We dug up the founder of our company and wrapped him in copper wire." "Then we replace his tombstone with a huge magnet." "With any luck, our business practices will make him spin in his grave and generate electricity."
Sunday October 08,
2000
Tags #the inspirational ceo, #poor results, #engineers, #cause & effcet, #generate results, #pathetic losers, #losers, #energy, #squirming, #health
Transcript
The CEO is at a lecturn. The CEO says, "Our company is too good to have results this poor." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question." The CEO thinks, "%#!* Engineers." The CEO says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Are you saying the laws of cause and effect do not apply?" Dilbert continues, "Logically, if we were good, we would generate good results." Sitting between the Wally and Alice, Dilbert continues, "Is it not more likely that we are pathetic losers who get exactly what we deserve?" The CEO says, "Yes, individually you're all losers. But together we're a great company. Thanks to my leadership." Wally says, "I feel like squirming but I don't have the energy."
Thursday August 10,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #invention, #Dilbert, #scientist, #earth, #moon, #destroy, #warning label
Transcript
Dilbert stands next to a device and Dogbert sits on a stool. Dilbert says, "My new invention will generate a solid particle bridge to permanently connect the earth to the moon!" Dogbert says, "Well, I'm no scientist, but won't that disrupt the earth's orbit and cause an ice age that will destroy all life on this planet?" Dilbert asks, "You think it needs a little warning label?" Dogbert replies, "Just don't let kids use it."
Wednesday October 11,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #program, #pick-up line, #mel gibson, #savage
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."
Wednesday May 02,
1990
Tags #computer, #computer software, #Dilbert, #display, #internet, #michael, #microchip, #online, #screen, #software
Transcript
Michael: Let me show you a round the inside of your computer. Dilbert: Neat! Michael: Here's where we generate the hypnotic signals for your display screen. Dilbert: Why? Michael: To make you think you need more computers. Dilbert: Good lord, you've learned to reproduce!
Thursday October 07,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #alice, #volunteering, #resume
Transcript
Dogbert says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Thank you all for volunteering for my task force on 'palmtop personal multimedia.'" Dogbert continues, "I'm sure that you all have a common vision about this project . . ." Dogbert continues, "Specifically, you think it will look good on your resumes while being too futuristic to generate any real work." Wally thinks, "Mother lode."
Friday March 15,
1996
Tags #business plan, #start up, #provide venture capital, #lost of media, #afraid of dogs, #media hype, #greeting investors, #prospectus
Transcript
Dogbert, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. Dogbert says, "The business plan for your start-up is idiotic but I'm going to provide the venture capital funding anyway." Dogbert continues, "We'll generate lots of media hype, go public and make millions by shafting greedy and ignorant investors." Dogbert continues, "The Latin word for 'close your eyes and open your mouth' is 'prospectus.'" Wally says, "This is exactly why I'm afraid of dogs."