Governments Secret Database Comic Strips
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166 Results for Governments Secret Database
View 1 - 10 results for governments secret database comic strips. Discover the best "Governments Secret Database" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 06,
2013
Tags #civil liberties, #surveillance, #lost data, #company data, #backups, #governments secret database, #recors, #working fine
Transcript
Dilbert: We lost all of our company data and our backups, too. So I hacked into our government's secret database where they keep records of everything we say or do and got it all back. Boss: I feel as if I should be doing something now. Dilbert: Nah. Everything is working fine.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday February 04,
2011
Tags #bad time, #governments unemployment stats, #look for job, #managers & supervisors, #new job, #employment, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "The government's new unemployment statistics are out." The Boss says, "It's still a bad time to look for a job." Dilbert says, "Yeah. I got that."
Saturday July 16,
2011
Tags #customer survey data, #marketing, #design, #engineering secret, #business
Transcript
The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.
Wednesday September 07,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #computers & peripherals, #software, #install and test, #database software, #engineering
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?
Saturday April 21,
2012
Tags #bury, #top secret, #proprietary, #documents, #woods, #shovel, #tied up, #mumble
Transcript
Boss: I need you to bury some top secret proprietary documents in the woods for me. Man: Mmm mmph. Boss: Come back in ten minutes.
Friday August 11,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #perpetual motion club, #hand, #secret, #handshake
Transcript
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How was your first meeting with the 'Perpetual Motion Club?'" Dilbert replies, "Great! I learned the secret handshake tonight." Dilbert sticks his hand out and says, "You stick your hand out and spin it around like this." Dogbert asks, "Then what?" Dilbert replies, "Then you just keep on doing it forever." Dogbert says, "That explains why you keep it secret."
Monday April 08,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #hero, #suit, #identity, #secret, #super, #powers, #acquire
Transcript
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I made a super hero suit for myself." Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert puts the suit on as he says, "You never know when you might accidentally acquire super powers. It happens all the time." Dilbert, who is now wearing a suit with a cape and a letter "D" on the front, continues, "This way, my identity can remain a secret." Dogbert says, "I suddenly see why that's so important."
Thursday January 02,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #secret, #ratbert, #dog, #rat, #elf, #gang, #disguise, #infiltrate, #hand shake, #heckuva, #guess
Transcript
Dogbert says, "Ratbert, I want you to wear a disguise and infiltrate the elf gang that has been bothering us." Ratbert replies, "Check." An elf says to Ratbert who is wearing an elf hat and clothing, "We haven't seen you before . . . " Another elf asks, "What's the secret handshake?" Ratbert bends over and waves his arms. The elf says, "No, but that's one heckuva good guess."
Friday August 28,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #minutes, #paid, #ripping, #evil, #corporate, #empire, #power, #secret, #myself, #nothing
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Hey, I haven't done a thing for minutes and yet I still get paid." Dilbert clenches his fists and thinks, "Hoo-hoo-ha! I'm ripping off the evil corporate empire and there's nothing they can do about it! I have total power!" Dilbert thinks, "I'd better keep this little secret to myself." Another employee sits in his cubicle thinking, "Hey, I'm getting paid for doing nothing!"
Tuesday September 08,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #programming, #sissy, #icons, #zeros, #sometimes, #entire, #database, #program, #letter
Transcript
An older man, Dilbert and Wally sit at the lunch table. The man says, "When I started programming, we didn't have any of these sissy 'icons' and 'windows.'" The man continues, "All we had were zeros and ones - and sometimes we didn't even have ones." The man continues, "I wrote an entire database program using only zeros." Dilbert asks, "You had zeros? We had to use the letter 'O.'"