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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2003's comic on:


Tags #outsourcing, #elbonia, #time difference, #hand off requirements, #work day, #finish code, #pretend we died

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The Boss: "We're outsourcing half of our programming work to Elbonia to take advantage of the time difference." The Boos: "We'll hand off our requirements at the end of our work day and get back the finished code the next morning." Elboninas: "Once again, I have no idea what they want." "Let's pretend we died."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #coaching, #hand off colon, #managers & supervisors, #mentoring, #micromanging, #obliviousness, #puppet, #business

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Dilbert: Please stop micromanaging me. Boss: What? I thought I was coaching and mentoring. Do you want some coaching and mentoring? Carol: I'm not a puppet. Keep your hand out of my colon.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2000's comic on:


Tags #doomed projects, #fake mergencies, #more efficient, #unnecessary meetings, #to do list

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Sitting at his computer, Dilbert thinks to himself "This to-do list will make me more efficient." Dilbert continues thinking to himself, "I have three fake emergencies, two doomed projects, four unnecessary meetings..." At home, Dilbert says to Dogbert "I figured out why you never ask me how my day day went." Dogbert replies, shooing Dilbert away with one hand, "Off you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2000's comic on:


Tags #can't read, #ceo, #copies, #esearch, #hand off, #manage data, #no copies, #smother me, #documents

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CEO says...: The CEO is sitting at his desk showing a folder to the Senior VP. The CEO says to the Senior VP: "The research supports my strategy." The CEO hands the folder to the Senior VP and says: "You can read the research but don't make copies." Senior VP says...: The Senior VP is holding the folder with both hands and says to the VP: "I can tell you about it but you can't read it." VP says...: The VP says to the Assistant VP: "I don't remember the reason but I'm sure there is one." Assistant VP says...: The Assistant VP is sitting at his desk and he says to the boss: "There's no reason." The boss, Wally and Dilbert are in a meeting and the boss says to them: "Our strategy is a huge mistake but we have to do it anyway." Dilbert is holding a suitcase and says to Dogbert: "After I fall asleep tonight, please smother me with a pillow." The CEO is sitting at his desk and thinks: "My people love me because I manage with data."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #zimbu the monkey, #lay off

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey, "It's going to be tough deciding which of you to lay off." The Boss continues, "I want to keep the employee who projects the most professional image." Dilbert puts his hand behind Zimbu's head and makes a 'V' with his fingers. Dilbert thinks, "This should make him look pretty stupid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #iso 9000 project, #hand picked, #manger, #project

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Dilbert sits at a desk and says, "Thank you for coming to the 'ISO 9000' project kick-off meeting." Dilbert continues, "Each of you was hand-picked by your manager for this project because . . ." Dilbert faces a table of strange people and says, "Well . . . never mind why."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #lab supplies, #batteries, #electric motor, #wheels, #hand truck, #build go cart, #lab, #building liner accelrator

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"The new lab supplies are in!" "We got the batteries, and the electric motor!" "Take the wheels off the hand truck and we can start building our go-cart." "I think I'll drop in on the lab." "What are you working on now?" "We're building a linear accelerator." "Marketing insisted." "Good, good. Carry on." "We really don't appreciate him enough." "Let's put a TV in this baby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2000's comic on:


Tags #blank copies, #copied wrong sides, #intern, #new temp, #talk to hand, #tells off

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Asok: These copies you made for me are blank. New Temp: Thats because all the originals were blank. Asok: Maybe you could have checked the other sides, New temp: Talk to the hand.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2000's comic on:


Tags #tape pencil, #hand, #raise, #would be unethical, #ten percent, #hiccup damage, #moral compass

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Asok the Intern watches Wally taping a pencil to the hand of The Boss who is comatose. Wally says, "I'll tape a pencil to his hand and use it to sign off on a raise for me." Asok the Intern says to Wally, "That would be so unethical... hiccup. May I have ten percent?" Wally works on getting the pencil into the comatose Boss' hand as Asok says, "That hiccup damaged my moral compass."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #did well, #hiring freeze, #shrink empire, #hand shaking situation, #hand, #questioning clean

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Wally is sitting at his desk. The Boss approaches from behind with a check in hand. He says, "The company did well so you get a bonus despite the fact you did no work all year." After handing Wally the check, The Boss continues, "I'd fire you but I can't replace you because there's a hiring freeze and I don't want to shrink my empire." The Boss fidgets nervously and says, "This might be a hand-shaking situation but I don't know where your hand has been." Wally continues to stare at his check and brushes The Boss with, "Off you go."