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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #recipe, #leadership, #hard part, #strategy, #hand over papers, #season, #pinch

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Dilbert says, "I collected optimistic data, put it in the context of bad analogies, seasoned it with saliency bias?" Dilbert says, "?Added herd instinct, a pinch of confirmation bias? and here's your strategy." Dilbert says, "Just add leadership." The Boss says, "Why do I always get the hard part?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #sneeze, #hand, #mouth

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Dogbert runs toward Dilbert yelling, "Quick, quick! Give me your hand!!!" Dogbert sneezes violently. Dilbert looks at his hand as Dogbert says, "Thanks . . . I always put a hand over my mouth when I sneeze."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #cashier, #celebration dance

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Dilbert walks through the cafeteria holding a tray of food. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no, not this cashier again. She always hands back my change right over my soda. I just know she's trying to make me drop a dime in my drink." Dilbert stands at the cashier and waves his hand over his drink saying, "No! No! No!" The cashier thinks, "Fake left . . ." Dilbert says as he eats his lunch, "It's not the coins in the soda that get me; it's that darned celebration dance she does."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #mineral, #water, #spa, #atlantis, #donut, #shop, #customer, #cash

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Dogbert sits behind a cash register and says to a customer, "Welcome to Dogbert's New Age Mineral Water Spa . . . Hand over the cash." Dogbert says, "Hold it . . . The vibes from my crystal tell me we knew each other in a previous life . . . In ATLANTIS!" A man says, "That's what you told the last guy, too." Dogbert replies, "Atlantis was a small town. I ran the only donut shop."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #benchmarking initiative, #crying with joy, #mother, #phone call, #asok, #calls mother, #Family

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Asok sits at his desk and speaks into the phone. "Hi, Mom! Guess what." Asok sits in his cubicle and says, "I'm the process owner for our benchmarking intitive!" Asok holds his hand over the receiver and turns to Wally. There is a PC between them. Asok says, "She's crying with joy..." Wally says, "I used to think that too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #dilbert mother, #promoted, #executive engineer, #same pay, #responsibility, #throw party, #no gifts, #no music, #no food, #no guests, #business cards

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Dilbert is on the phone while Dogbert watches. Dilbert says, "Mom, guess what.. I got promoted!" Dilbert says, "You're talking to the new Executive Engineer." Dilbert says, "No.. nobody reports to me. No... it's the same pay as before." Dilbert says, "But I do get a lot more responsibility!" Dogbert's ears fly up. Dilbert puts his hand over the telephone receiver and says to Dogbert, "She's going to throw a party for me!" Dilbert's Mom sits on the couch and says, "No.. no gifts. No... no music. No... no food. No.. no guests." Dilbert says, "I guess it's just you and me." Dilberts mom says, "I'm busy that day." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table wearing party hats. Dilbert says, "I'm not allowed to get new business cards, but I can write my new title on the old ones!" Dogbert falls asleep.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #hiding nametag, #fake babies, #see name, #start fliting, #babies, #third fake baby, #still hides name

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Dilbert is at the checkout counter of clothes store. The cashier has her hand over her name tag. Dilbert thinks, "She's hiding her name tag so I won't get friendly with her." dilbert reaches into a sack and thinks, "I'll toss these fake babies in the air. When she catches them, I'll see her name and start flirting." The cashier catches one baby, the other lands on her head as her hand remains on her name tag. Dilbert thinks, "Dang! I knew I should have brought a third fake baby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #home lap top, #non standard cell phone, #elastic underpants, #trapped, #snagged, #clothes, #rigged, #office

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Dilbert says, "My only hope for productivity is to smuggle in my home laptop" CLAMP CLAMP CLAMP Mordac says, "Now hand over the non-standard cell phone you keep in the elastic of your underpants."

Workplace Bully

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Workplace Bully - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #bully, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #threat, #work

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Boss: Cheryl, the other employees are complaining that you're a workplace bully. Cheryl: Hand over your wallet or else I'll tell your boss you tried to give me a shoulder rub. Carol: Did you talk to her? Boss: Don't ever ask me to do anything for your again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fraternization, #bad haircut, #poor font choice, #hand sanitizer, #substance over style

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Alice: I'm judging the quality of your business case by your bad haircut and your poor font choice. I plan to use a quart of hand sanitizer when I'm done touching your document. Man: I value substance over style. Alice: How's that working out?