Happening Faster Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

70 Results for Happening Faster

View 1 - 10 results for happening faster comic strips. Discover the best "Happening Faster" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2001's comic on:

Tags #cubicle, #sucking life force, #happening faster, #life suck 3000, #machine, #evil catbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is standing in front of the boss's desk. Dilbert says, "My cubicle is sucking the life force out of me." Dilbert continues, "I mean, it always has, but it seems like it's happening faster now." The boss approaches Catbert who is at the controls of a large machine called "LifeSuck 3000". The boss says, "They noticed."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1998's comic on:

Tags #maintain urgency, #speed is key, #faster than competition, #sign stuff, #logical questions, #motivational messages

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "WE must maintain a sense of urgency. Speed is the key. We must be faster than the competition." Dilbert says, "Does that mean you'll sign the stuff that's been on your desk for a month?" Dilbert is at home. Dilbert says, to Dogbert, "Logical questions don't mix with motivational messages."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2002's comic on:

Tags #done in 30days, #faster than light, #discover doorway, #sounds iffy, #being flexible

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks a business associate, "Can you get this done in thirty days?" The business associate replies, "Yes, absolutely." The business associate continues, "We'll just travel faster than light to a black hole and discover a doorway in time." Dilbert replies, "That sounds iffy." The business associate says, "Excuse me for being flexible."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 25, 2003's comic on:

Tags #alternative universes, #Dilbert, #therapy session, #dense objects, #space time fold, #fabric, #whats happening?

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: All week I felt like I was driving through alternative universes I was me, But Was different. Therapist: Have you been near any dense objects that would make the fabric of space-time fold onto itself? ONE WEEK AGO The Boss: will there be any unforeseen problems? Dilbert: whats happening to me?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 1999's comic on:

Tags #give his presentation, #irrelevant comparisons, #low budget, #development time, #computers faster, #obvious insights

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2005's comic on:

Tags #good advice, #balance, #personal life, #zen approach, #no freinds, #no work, #perfect balance, #zen, #faster

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "No one has any good advice on how I can balance my work with my personal life." Wally: "You didn't ask me." "I take the Zen approach of having no friends and doing no work. Hence, perfect balance." Dilbert: "Where did you get that definition of Zen?" wally: "I used to read, but it's faster to make up stuff."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2008's comic on:

Tags #class, #less useless, #carry coffee cups, #work faster, #two hands

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "I took a class to learn how to be less useless." Wally says, "Now I carry twice as many coffee cups wherever I go." Carol says, "Does that make you work faster?" Wally says, "I only have two hands."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 30, 2011's comic on:

Tags #laziness, #lying, #work ethic, #wasting time options, #two options, #truth or lie, #pin blame, #faster to hear lie, #document is perfect, #assign balme, #later say misinterpreted

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "Dilbert, your boss asked me to get your input on this." Dilbert says, "Absolutely, Ruth." Dilbert says, "We have two options for wasting our time here." Dilbert says, "Option one: I could tell you all of the things you should change, and you could ignore me as usual." Dilbert says, "Option two: I could lie, and tell you that everything is perfect." Woman says, "I prefer the lie. That way I can pin some blame on you if things go bad." Dilbert says, "Excellent choice. It's faster, and I can later say I was misinterpreted." Dilbert says, "Okay then, I declare that your document is perfect, under a certain set of assumptions that I won't list." The Boss says, "Did you help Ruth?" Dilbert says, "I'll say yes, but it's sort of a gray area."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2007's comic on:

Tags #too much work, #solution, #coffee swilling squirrel, #work faster, #time stands still, #slow, #too lsow, #hyper

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Carol, I give you far too much work, Theres only one solution. I hired a coffee swilling beaver to show you how to work faster. Squirrel: when I watch you, its as if time stands still.

Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lots Of Things Happening Behind The Scenes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2017's comic on:

Tags #human resources, #results, #confidentiality, #progress, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I complained about my boss two months ago. Has Human Resources done anything about it? Catbert: Lots of confidential things are happening behind the scenes. Tina: For example? Catbert: For example, we talked about how much of a whiner you are.