Hardware Solution Comic Strips
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Dogbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "Your employees have recommended a vendor who has an attractive salesperson." Dogbert continues, "But the 'Dogbert Technology Company' can provide you with a hardware solution for HALF the cost!" The Boss says excitedly, "I'll save money!" The Boss asks, "What if I need to upgrade later? Is it expensive?" Dogbert replies, "I must have left that price sheet in my other fur."
The boss leans over Dilbert, points to the computer screen and says, "Why don't you try using a wireless fiber multifage?" Dilbert says, "Well, first of all, no such thing exists." Dilbert continues, "If it did exist, it would surely be the wrong solution for a software bug." Dilbert says, "And there's no extra money in our budget for hardware." Dilbert continues, "It would take six months to writer a business case and get funding." The boss yawns. Dilbert says, "Then our I.T. people would refuse to install it because it's not an approved vendor." The boss says, "Do you have a better idea?" Dilbert says, "Yes. I just fixed it." The boss says, "Do you think you can hold the fort while I go coach someone else?"
Man says, "There is a very simple solution to the problem that is stumping Dilbert." Man says, "I will gladly explain it to him after this meeting." Dilbert says, "You're probably wrong, and yet you still made me look like an idiot." Man says, "I win!"
Dilbert: Can you look at this bid and let me know if I can order the hardware? Boss: yes. Dilbert: Are you saying yes I can order the hardware, or yes you'll look at it? Boss: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: What? Boss: I need your input on my Powerpoint deck. Dilbert: So far, in response to my request, you've given me ambiguity, mumbling, and a change of subject. Would you prefer that I badger you for an answer until you get angry, or should I return to my cubicle and resume being ineffective? Boss: You ask too many questions.
Wally: Is it okay if I spend the next week balancing traffic loads on our newtork? Asok: I thought I told you that our hardware vendor already did that. Wally: Worst wingman ever. Asok: Shame is my name!
Boss: Dilbert, listen carefully. I need you to... vendor... hardware... immediately. Dilbert: What? We have a bad connection. Boss: Field... the... grep... pony... budget. Dilbert: What? What? Boss: I have another call. Just ask Alice. Alice: How would I know what he wants? Leave me alone. Dilbert: I wonder how winners feel. Wally: I don't know. They never let me touch them.
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "It's NOT a stupid idea." Dilbert explains, "You see, people who don't own cars are missing out on the prestige of using car phones." Dilbert has turned a phone booth on its side and added wheels, a steering wheel and a drivers seat. Dilbert continues, "The car-phonebooth is a natural solution . . . Granted, it uses a lot of coins." Dogbert walks away.
Dilbert walks by Herman's Hardware Store and thinks, "Oh no . . . I'm being drawn to that hardware store." Dilbert's clothes fly off his body and he says, "The force is ripping my clothes off, but I can resist!!!" Dilbert says to a salesclerk, "I'm only looking for my clothes - I'm not shopping." The clerk replies, "You're not the first naked engineer to use that story."
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a bag full of tools. Bob the Dinosaur says, "Looks like another shopping binge at the hardware store." Dilbert replies, "I couldn't resist." Dilbert takes a drill out of the bag and says, "Gee, Bob, what did dinosaurs do before tools were invented?" Bob replies, "It was hard . . ." Bob continues, "Sometime, you should try to tighten a Phillips screw with a fern." Dilbert replies, "That's no way to live."
Dilbert lies on a couch and explains to a therapist, ". . . Whenever I'm near a hardware store I feel an invisible force drawing me inside . . ." The psychologist says, "You've been talking about yourself since you got here. We never talk about ME and MY feelings. I hurt too, you know." Dilbert says, "I'm paying $75 an hour . . ." The psychiatrist says, "Good Lord, and you think that makes it okay to be selfish??"