"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software."
The Boss: "I decided to buy all of our server upgrades through Bribertek, Inc."
Dilbert: "Question: Are we buying overpriced hardware because they offered you a job?"
"Because if we're paying extra to get rid of you, it's money well spent."
"It's a coincidence!"