Hates Comic Strips
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27 Results for Hates
View 1 - 10 results for hates comic strips. Discover the best "Hates" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 04,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #ratbert, #channeling, #hostility, #art, #bowl, #fruit, #banana, #hates, #apple
Transcript
Dogbert sits at the table and Ratbert stands on the table holding a paintbrush and palette. Ratbert looks at his easel and says, "I'm channeling all of my pain and hostility into my art." Dogbert says, "All I see is a bowl of fruit." Ratbert makes angry brushstrokes and replies, "The banana HATES the apple."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday March 06,
1999
Tags #god hates pople, #coffee tastes better, #stir with finger, #lonely religion
Transcript
Wally and Dilbert are in the office kitchen getting coffee. Wally says, "I believe God created the earth because he hates people." Wally says, "And I believe coffee tastes better if you stir it with your finger." Dilbert says, "It sound like a lonely religion." Wally says, "They all start that way."
Wednesday October 02,
2002
Tags #nitwit hates ogre, #ogre ate nitwit, #borrow nit iwt, #requisition, #work, #coffee room, #break room, #ogre, #nit wit, #coworkers, #new hires
Transcript
Dilbert and Alice are at the coffee machine. Alice says, "My project is being stalled because my nitwit hates my ogre, and my #$&%! won't do any work." Dilbert responds, "My ogre ate my nitwit and my #$&%! is trying to blame me for it." Alice asks, "Do you want to borrow my nitwit?" Dilbert responds, "No, I have a requisition in."
Monday September 01,
2008
Tags #job interview, #bed news, #upset, #hire someone, #hates boss, #set up, #cruel
Transcript
Job Interview The Boss says, "Would you tell me bad news even if you knew it would upset me?" A man says, "Yes, I would." The Boss says, "Why would I hire someone who hates me?"
Wednesday April 17,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #work, #clothes, #talented, #Family, #sews, #hate, #wife, #marriage
Transcript
A man in a strange shirt says to Dilbert, "My wife sews all of my work clothes. She's the talented one in the family." Dilbert looks at the man's oddly shaped shirt. Dilbert asks, "She hates you, doesn't she?" The man says, "Why do you ask?"
Tuesday August 11,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #ginger, #date, #puppetitis, #rare, #disorder, #puppet, #weird
Transcript
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I haven't dated much since I came down with puppetitis." The woman continues, "It's a rare disorder that makes your hand act like a puppet." Dilbert replies, "That's weird." The woman moves her hand like a puppet and says, "He hates us! We must kill him!" The woman says to her hand, "Not yet, Ginger!"
Monday November 09,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #floyd, #question, #co-workers, #chewed, #clothes, #synthetic, #shock, #healthy, #eat
Transcript
Dilbert asks Wally, "What happened to you?" Wally's clothing is torn and tattered. Wally replies, "I asked Floyd a question." Wally continues, "Floyd hates his job, so he takes it out on co-workers. He almost chewed my clothes off." Dilbert asks, "How'd you stop him?" Wally replies, "He went into synthetic shock; it's not healthy to eat too much of this stuff."
Monday June 06,
1994
Tags #choke on donut, #psychic powers, #bob in office
Transcript
Dilbert: Is Bob in his office? Carol: Since Bob's office is all of twenty feet away, I'll have to use my psychic powers to determine the answer. Dilbert: I could go look. Carol: Bob hates you, He secretly wishes you'd choke on a donut.
Sunday April 12,
1992
Tags #Dogbert, #guide, #movie, #advertising, #thumbs, #nominated, #academy, #award, #stallone, #funniest, #masterpledge, #source, #farm
Transcript
The panel is titled, "Dogbert's Guide to Movie Advertisements." Dogbert says, "Trust me." The advertisement says, "'Thumbs up.' -Gene Siskel." Dogbert says, "Meaning: Roger Ebert hates it." The advertisement says, "'Nominated for an Academy Award.'" Dogbert says, "Notice they don't say for what -- probably 'Best Gaffer.'" The advertisement says, "'Funniest movie of the year.'" Dogbert says, "He saw it in mid-January." The advertisement says, "Four stars . . . A masterpiece!'" Dogbert says, "The movie studio only paid off one critic. Must be a low-budget film." The advertisement says, "'Powerful performances.'" Dogbert says, "It's a downer. Somebody probably gets a disease and loses the farm." The advertisement says, "'I loved it!' -Floyd Belcher, Nosehair Magazine." Dogbert says, "Remember to consider the source." The advertisement says, "Stallone's funniest movie yet." Dogbert says, "I think you get the hang of it."
Friday February 26,
1999
Tags #secret weapon, #lowered glass ceiling, #marry a rich guy
Transcript
The Boss approaches Tina and says, "...so Tina, you shouldn't have..." Tina thinks to herself, "I'm in trouble. Must use secret weapon." Tina begins to cry and scream, "WAAH!! WAAH!! Everybody hates me no matter what I do!!" Alice leans over her cubicle and says, "Thanks, that lowered the glass ceiling about a foot." Tina replies, "I plan to marry a rich guy."