Head With Lies Comic Strips
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The Boss introduces a woman to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet your new team member, Peri Noid." Peri Noid extends her hand and asks, "Why haven't you invited me to a meeting? Who's filling your head with lies?" Peri Noid continues, "Your hand is soft and clammy! Are you the undead?!!" Dilbert replies, "Engineer."
Player man: dilbert, you'll be playing the left striker position. Player man: one of our good players will try to strike tony in th head with the ball and bank it in the goal, LIZ: "It" being the ball not your head. Dilbert: Id better take off y glasses. LIZ: No, don't, I included their dampening effect in my calculations.
Dilbert and Wally stand in front of Ratbert who is standing on a desk. Dilbert says, "Ratbert, we'd like you to be the Director of Marketing for the company we're starting." Ratbert says, "Okay! What do I do?" Dilbert responds, "Be as annoying and illogical as you can. We'll whack you in the head with balled-up socks to make you shut up." Ratbert lies on the table after being beaten with socks. Dilbert says, "It's definitely better to be an owner than an employee." Wally says, "Let's link his salary to earnings! Hee hee!"
Dogbert approaches Dilbert sitting at a desk. Dogbert says to the man and woman following him, "This exhibit is the pride of 'Dogbert's Museum of the Strange and Amazing.'" Dogbert continues, "This is an engineer, deep in a computer-induced trance and oblivious to his environment." Dogbert holds out a container of balls and says, "You can bop him in the back of his head with whiffle balls for ten cents a throw." The man gets out his wallet and says, "Gimme a dollar's worth."
Dogbert stands on a desk and says to a man, "This exercise is especially for the MBAs in the company." The man asks, "What's the payback?" Dogbert hits the man on the head with a bat several times. Dogbert says, "There's no research to support this method, but you gotta admit it feels right."
The strip is titled, "Dogbert's World of the Unexplained." Dogbert says, "I am at the farm of Kay and Clem Bovinski . . ." Dogbert walks up the front steps and continues, ". . . The location of unexplained phenomena." The caption says, "(Deep voice) The disturbances have lasted 40 years." The Bovinskis sit on their couch. Kay says, "Objects move all by themselves. Sometimes they hit Clem." Clem says, "I reckon it's poltergeist, no other explanation makes sense." A lamp hits Clem on the head. Clem lies on the floor and Kay sits on the couch looking suspicious. Dogbert says, "Cut."
Dilbert sits at a table with a man. Dilbert says, "We like to ask our applicants some questions that will allow us to see how you think." Dilbert asks, "If you have a five-gallon bucket and a fifty-gallon bucket, how can you tell which one holds more water?" The man beats his head with his fists and says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Dilbert says, "When I said, 'See how you think,' what I meant was . . ."
A female coworker asks Dilbert, "Would it be okay if I asked your mindless replica for a date?" The coworker continues, "I'm full of uninteresting stories and I need a guy who's a good listener." The coworker and the Visibuddy are at dinner. The coworker says, "Now I'll describe the clothing of each person at the cat show." The Visibuddy hits himself in the head with a fork, "Thunk!"
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Upgrade all of our network servers by Tuesday." Dilbert responds, "That's impossible. I need at least a month." The Boss replies, "Oh, it's impossible. Watch this." The Boss yells, "I summon Kronos, The God of Management Time!!" A man in a pink suit and hat comes and says, "I, Kronos, will manipulate your perception of time." Kronos hits The Boss on the head with his wand. Dilbert responds, "I don't see how that helps..." Kronos explains, "When he wakes up he will believe there is plenty of time and that you are a weasel." Dilbert asks, "Any side effects?" Kronos replies, "Just an insatiable appetite for status reports."