Headline Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

114 Results for Headline

View 1 - 10 results for headline comic strips. Discover the best "Headline" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #newspaper, #thief, #machine, #money, #eating

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert puts a coin in a newspaper machine and thinks, "Sometimes I get this wicked urge to take two newspapers and only pay for one." Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "What's the worst that can happen? Besides, this machine ate my money last time." Dilbert looks at a newspaper. On the front page is a picture of him stealing the newspaper and the headline says, "Thief!"

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr directorm not enjoying job, #powerful anti depressant, #prescribe drugs, #illegal

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Alice says to Catbert, "I'm not enjoying my job." Catbert hands Alice a bottle of pills and says, "Take this powerful anti- depressant drug for the rest of your life." Alice responds, "I didn't know H.R. could prescribe drugs." Catbert says, "I'd hate to live in a world where that was illegal." Alice reads the bottle aloud, "Boss-proof cap."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #dumped work, #moan, #scream, #staffing levels

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Catbert: H.R. Director. Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "When you dumped more work on Wally, did he moan? Or did he scream?" The Boss responds, "It sounded like this... Aaoo-muw-aahh-ow-ow!!" Catbert walks down the hall and thinks, "The staffing levels sound about right."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the sociopth, #typing is optional, #eaten before, #some bread

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: The Sociopath. Ron and Alice are sitting across from each other at restaurant table. Ted says, "Tipping is optional so I never do it." Alice looks surprised. She asks, "Um.. have you eaten here before?" A waitress approaches the table and angrily throws bread at Ron, hitting him on the head. She grunts, "Here's some bread." Alice looks on nervously.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evolution training, #make it thourgh, #banana, #peel, #gorillas, #neanderthal, #monkeys, #jungle naimals

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert stands atop a stool in front of students with a pointer in his hand. He says, "Some of you will not make it through the class." A banana who happens to be seated next to a gorilla raises its hand and asks, "May I move to a different seat?" The rest of the class looks on. Dogbert responds, "Sure... Oops. Problem solved. Carl, don't leave that where someone will slip on it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evolution training, #zoltar, #graduate, #class, #new sideburns, #speed evolution

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert is standing atop a stool with a pointer in his hand. Zoltar is standing in front of the class. Dogbert introduces him, "Zoltar is a graduate of this class. He will demonstrate speed evolving." Zoltar shows the class his talent as Dogbert watches from his stool. He shakes with clenched fists and grunts, "Unh... Errr...Hoo...Ahh." Dogbert continues to stare at Zoltar, who now has small hands growing out of the side of his head. Zoltar responds, "I hope you're staring at my new sideburns."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angry dumb guy, #Opinion, #beat it out, #self hurting

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: The Angry Dumb Guy. Dilbert is sitting next to a male coworker. The coworker raises his arms and says, "If anyone wants my opinion..." Dilbert turns towards the coworker as he points to himself. The coworker continues, "...I'll beat it out of me!" Dilbert responds, "I want your opinion." The coworker turns to Dilbert, pulls his own tie with one hand and raises his other fist. He exclaims, "Oh yeah? Let's see if I have one!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exit interview, #helpful data, #personal problems, #unethical weasel, #main reason for living

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: The Exit Interview. The Boss sits at his desk facing an employee. He says, "What would you say is your main reason for leaving?" The employee responds lightly, "I can't stand working for an unethical weasel." Catbert is sitting at his desk, across from The Boss. The Boss says, "Yep, personal problems." Catbert responds, "I'm glad that we collect this helpful data."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer service, #serial number, #pulverizing case, #hammer, #void warranty

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Customer Service. Dogbert is sitting at his desk, talking into a telephone headset. He says, "Find the serial number by pulverizing the case with a hammer." The man on the other end of the line is holding a hammer above a radio. He asks, "Are you sure this won't void my warranty?" Dogbert replies, "It's not always about you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #handwriting analysis, #disturbed loner, #steals, #liberal, #absolutely necessary

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Handwriting Analysis. Dogbert is sitting across from a male employee. Dogbert reports, "Your handwriting proves that you're a disturbed loner who steals." The employee, looking confused, asks, "What?'' Dogbert stands and exclaims, "Take this thief away!" Two police officers accost the employee from behind. The employee is tied in ropes to a wood pole. The Boss asks Dogbert, "Is this part absolutely necessary?" Dogbert thinks to himself, "Liberal."