Hear Employees Comic Strips
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824 Results for Hear Employees
View 1 - 10 results for hear employees comic strips. Discover the best "Hear Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 27,
1996
Tags #boost morale, #more reviews, #hear employees, #300% more criticism, #working in box
Transcript
The Boss says, "Good news, Alice. I'm going to have quarterly performance reviews to boost morale." Alice stands in her cubicle and replies, "Wow! In addition to working sixteen hours a day in this big box, now I'll get 300% more criticism!" The Boss says, "I'll have a chance to hear employee concerns four times a year." Alice says, "I assume comprehension will remain on the bicentennial plan."
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Monday October 16,
1995
Tags #wearing enough fragrance, #better increase doasge, #hear compliments
Transcript
A woman walks by Wally's cubicle and thinks, "I wonder if I'm wearing enough fragrance." Clouds of odor surround her body. Inside his cubicle, Wally whips his head around to look at her. Wally is overcome by the odor and falls over in his chair screaming, "AIEEEEE!!" As she leaves a trail of unconscious employees behind her, the woman thinks, "I'd better increase the dosage until I hear some compliments."
Wednesday November 07,
2012
Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #employees, #hatered, #run over, #clown, #ugly truth, #demise, #bad wishes, #business
Transcript
The Ugly Truth Visits Man: Your employees hate your carb-fattened guts. They hope you get run over by a clown car because it will make your demise extra funny. Boss: I hear mumbling but no on is there! Man: It's weird for me too.
Friday January 23,
2015
13 Percent Employees Engaged
Tags #employee, #employees, #engagement, #motivation, #global survey, #engaged at work, #business
Transcript
Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.
Friday July 19,
2019
Homeless Employees
Tags #concern, #cost, #employees, #homeless persons, #office workers, #pretend
Transcript
Dogbert: We need to do something about our employees being homeless. Housing costs are too high around here. Boss: Maybe we could pay them more. Dogbert: I was thinking more along the lines of pretending to be concerned. Boss: I like where you're going with this.
Sunday September 15,
2019
Wally Wears Headphones
Tags #employees, #irritation, #office workers, #avoidance, #hear, #headphones
Transcript
Alice: Do you have a minute? Wally: I can't hear you because I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones. Alice: Maybe you could take them off for a minute. Wally: I have no idea what you are saying because I'm wearing noise-cancelling headphones. Alice: Then take them off! Wally: If I am reading your lips correctly, I believe you are asking me to "flurp tingo gloop". Alice: Forget it! I'll just let my project fail! Dilbert: How is your anti-co-worker defense system working out? Wally: I can't hear you.
Monday September 16,
2019
Best Employees
Tags #big business, #confused, #employees, #customer service
Transcript
CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?
Tuesday October 22,
2019
Best Employees
Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #best, #office workers, #industry, #attitude
Transcript
boss: we have the best employees in the entire industry. except for ted obviously. ted: wait...what? boss: and here comes the attitude.
Friday January 03,
2020
Incompetent Employees
Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #bureaucratic, #employees, #incompetent, #inefficiency, #yin, #yang
Transcript
catbert: it might my imagination, but it looks as if all of our employees are incompetent. boss: we need to create a tangle of bureaucratic rules that make it impossible for them to get anything done. catbert: you want to use inefficiency to protect us against incompetence? boss: yin and yang.
Thursday April 16,
2020
Show Interest In Employees
Tags #appointment, #business, #doctor, #employees, #hate, #interest, #leave, #life, #managers & supervisors, #prank, #question
Transcript
alice: i have a doctor appointment. boss: what's wrong with you? alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life! boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees? catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.