Hearing From Customers Comic Strips
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The Boss leaves his office and thinks, "As a leader, I must listen to my customers." The Boss says to Dilbert at his computer, "What are you hearing from our customers?" Dilbert says, "Not a peep." The Boss returns to his office and thinks, "Our customers are defective."
Dogbert: I researched how long your customers will stay on the phone trying to get tech support before giving up. Then I designed an audio menu tree that will take them slightly longer than that to reach your tech support. I've seen your user manuals and I assume that you hate your customers' guts. Boss: It's more of an apathy thing.
Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar Dogbert says, "Losers sell to customers." Dogbert says, "Winners sell the idea of low quota levels to their own bosses." Dogbert says, "Now everyone do the cha-ching dance!" Dogbert's Sales Training Seminar
Boss: We've decided to charge customers for features they currently get for free. Dilbert: Um... Have you considered how our customers might react? Boss: Obviously. Wally: I'd like to hear how that reasoning process went. Boss: Fine. Customers love us and they will put up with anything we dish out. Wally: So... It's sort of an abusive relationship? Boss: Not yet, but we're trying to move in that direction.
Tags #booth, #brochure, #exhibitions, #exhibitor expenses, #expenses, #huge crowds, #last 11 years, #logo sign, #new customers, #popular booth, #spillover, #steal chair, #trade show, #video of incident, #youtube
Boss: How did we do at the trade show? Dilbert: We had a huge crowd around our booth the entire time. But it was just the spillover from the popular booth next to us. The only person who asked for our brochure used it to kill a spider. Some guy tried to steal our extra chair and then Alice beat him senseless with our logo sign. A video of the incident is already on YouTube. It cost us $200,000 to be an exhibitor and we gained zero new customers. So it was just like the last eleven years. Boss: I feel good about next year!
The Boss: It's going to be another year of flogging dead horses. But somehow we'll muddle through our internal bureaucracy, gouge our customers, and keep getting our tiny paychecks. Dilbert: Sir, Wilson turned into a clump of uninspired sod. The Boss: It's just as well; he had a bad attitude.
Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "We've got to focus more on the needs of our customers." The Boss points to a man standing next to him and says, "I've hired famous business consultant Tom Peters to follow you around and make passionate criticism." Tom stands behind Dilbert while he works. Tom waves his arms as he asks, "Is this quality? Are you truly focused on the customer?" Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . He's a spitter."
Dilbert sits in his chair watching Dogbert's confirmation hearing on television. A voice says, "The senator has 34 seconds . . ." Dilbert thinks, "I wonder what would happen if you let them talk as long as they wanted." Dilbert thinks, "I'll bet they'd starve to death. But there's probably a downside."
At Dogbert's confirmation hearing, a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee asks Ratbert, "Mister Ratbert, you've been called as a character witness." Ratbert says, "The nominee once called me a little hiney . . ." A picture of Ratbert appears on the front page of a newspaper. The headlines say "Liar!" and "Probably Nuts!!"