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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2003's comic on:

Tags #watching tv, #news anchors, #report, #tv cameras, #shows, #evil or stupid, #heart disease, #stupid, #banter, #stinks

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TV Anchorman: Researchers have proven that working with evil or stupid people causes heart disease. Ha Ha! I wonder if the amount of stupidness makes a difference. Your witty banter stinks today.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2004's comic on:

Tags #budget cut, #25% budget cut, #ulcers, #heart disease, #product, #envy, #mysterious pustles

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"If I cut you product development budget by 25%, what could you develop?" "Ulcers, heart disease and maybe mysterious pustules." "How about the product itself?" "It will envy me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2011's comic on:

Tags #engineers, #honesty, #viruses, #honest opinions, #causing problems, #medical records, #engineer, #classified as disease, #vaccination, #engineering

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Dilbert says, "I can't stop voicing my honest opinions. It's causing problems at work." Doctor says, "According to your medical records, you're an engineer. We classify that as a disease now." Man says, "Gaaa!!! You haven't had your pon farr vaccination." Dilbert says, "Is it warm in here?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2012's comic on:

Tags #elbonian contract, #legal, #night work, #contract programmmers, #heart attacks

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Boss: Wally, I want you to manage our Elbonian contract programmers. You'll need to work at night because of the time difference. Wally: People who work at night have more heart attacks. Are you trying to kill me? Boss: Yes, and it's totally legal. Wally: Well played.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #rabert, #lab rats, #stupid, #professor, #heart, #laboratory, #escaping

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Rabert: Goodbye, Dogbert, I must return to the lab with the professor. Dogbert: That's stupid. Rabert: He says he loves me. That must be why he fed me so much. Dogbert: You're getting stupider. Rabert: I have to follow my heart. Dogbert: Mmm... Love causes stupidity in lab rats.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1992's comic on:

Tags #robot, #heart, #attacks, #eating, #cows, #california, #drought, #fault, #water, #subsidies, #global warming, #earth, #organized

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Dogbert and a robot sit outdoors. The robot says, "I worry . . . Is it my fault that people get heart attacks?" Dogbert replies, "No . . . That's from eating too many cows." The robot asks, "Is the California drought my fault?" Dogbert answers, "No . . . That's from water subsidies to cows." The robot asks, "Global warming?" Dogbert replies, "Cows again." The robot asks, "Cows are destroying the earth?" Dogbert says, "They're better organized than you'd think."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #legs, #disease, #carrying, #vermin, #launch, #hug, #concept

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Dilbert sits in his chair reading and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs reading. Ratbert asks, "Why does Dogbert always get to sit on your legs and I never do?" Dilbert replies, "Because Dogbert is my best friend and you're just a disease-carrying vermin." Ratbert thinks, "Maybe this isn't the time to launch my 'family hug time' concept."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #nineties, #puppet, #puppetitis, #date, #disease, #join, #hand

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I caught the disease puppetitis from somebody I dated." The woman moves her hand like a puppet and says, "Ha ha! That's right! Now her hand is a puppet!" Dilbert thinks, "I hate the nineties." The woman's puppet hand says, "Join us . . . Don't be afraid."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #fiasco, #rare, #disease, #puppetitis, #hand, #puppet, #catch

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My date was a fiasco." Dilbert continues, "She has a rare disease called puppetitis - it makes your hand act like a puppet." Dilbert continues, "Apparently you can catch it by holding hands." Dilbert moves his hand like a puppet and says, "But it was worth it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #Dogbert, #heart, #basket, #absense, #subtle, #computer, #garbage can, #chair

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "Dogbert says that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'" Ratbert says as he climbs into the trash, "I'm going to hide in your waste basket until my absence makes you fond of me." Dilbert leaves the room. Ratbert says from inside the waste basket, "It's a subtle change at first . . . Take your time."