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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2004's comic on:

Tags #approval for expenses, #sounds suspious, #heart transplant, #note from surgeon, #illiterate surgeon, #non credible guy

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The non-credible guy "Did you get approval for these expenses?" "What? Oh, yes, I did." "Why does everything you say sound suspicious?" "Because I just had a heart transplant." "I'd like to see a note from your surgeon." "He's illiterate."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2012's comic on:

Tags #elbonian contract, #legal, #night work, #contract programmmers, #heart attacks

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Boss: Wally, I want you to manage our Elbonian contract programmers. You'll need to work at night because of the time difference. Wally: People who work at night have more heart attacks. Are you trying to kill me? Boss: Yes, and it's totally legal. Wally: Well played.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #rabert, #lab rats, #stupid, #professor, #heart, #laboratory, #escaping

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Rabert: Goodbye, Dogbert, I must return to the lab with the professor. Dogbert: That's stupid. Rabert: He says he loves me. That must be why he fed me so much. Dogbert: You're getting stupider. Rabert: I have to follow my heart. Dogbert: Mmm... Love causes stupidity in lab rats.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1992's comic on:

Tags #robot, #heart, #attacks, #eating, #cows, #california, #drought, #fault, #water, #subsidies, #global warming, #earth, #organized

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Dogbert and a robot sit outdoors. The robot says, "I worry . . . Is it my fault that people get heart attacks?" Dogbert replies, "No . . . That's from eating too many cows." The robot asks, "Is the California drought my fault?" Dogbert answers, "No . . . That's from water subsidies to cows." The robot asks, "Global warming?" Dogbert replies, "Cows again." The robot asks, "Cows are destroying the earth?" Dogbert says, "They're better organized than you'd think."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #Dogbert, #heart, #basket, #absense, #subtle, #computer, #garbage can, #chair

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "Dogbert says that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder.'" Ratbert says as he climbs into the trash, "I'm going to hide in your waste basket until my absence makes you fond of me." Dilbert leaves the room. Ratbert says from inside the waste basket, "It's a subtle change at first . . . Take your time."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 1995's comic on:

Tags #dysfunctional team, #learned in workshop, #listen, #heart felt, #respect, #ham radio license, #going first

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Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "I'd like each of you to tell the team what you learned in my workshop." Alice says, "I learned to listen with my heart. I gained respect for others. I understand Sanskrit. I got my ham radio license. I can divide by zero . . ." As the Boss looks shocked, Alice thinks to herself, "I love going first."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 1996's comic on:

Tags #new boss is posessed, #evil force, #one solution, #drive stake, #heart, #be cruel, #borrow pen, #wimpy retractable

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Dilbert and Alice approach Dogbert who is sitting on a desk. Dilbert says, "My new boss is possessed by an evil force. We need your advice, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "There is only one solution. You must drive a stake through his heart." Dilbert says, "There's no way we could be so cruel!!" Alice holds up a pen and says, "Can I borrow your pen? All I have is this wimpy retractable."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 1996's comic on:

Tags #stake through heart, #demon mossed boss, #raisin sized heart, #blue betty pen

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Dilbert and Wally stand against the wall on either side of the door to Ted's office. Dilbert says, "Alice is ready to drive a stake through the heart of our demon-possessed boss." Wally and Dilbert hide in the hallway. From inside the office, they hear, "Whack, whack, whack!" Ted and Alice walk out the office door. Ted has many pens stuck in his chest. He says, "It's times like these when I'm glad my heart is the size of a raisin!" Alice says to Wally, "I need all of your pens, including 'Blue Betty.'" Wally's mouth hangs open in shock.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1997's comic on:

Tags #dogbert research co>, #focus group, #carefully screened, #loser choices, #opposite, #what recommended, #skipped jury duty, #liver transplant

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Dogbert Research Co. Dogbert says, "You've all been carefully screened for this focus group." Dogbert continues, "Each of you has a pattern of making "Loser Choices." I'll tell my clients to do the opposite of whatever you recommend." One man says, "Fun! I'm glad I skipped jury duty to be here." THe woman next to him says, "I rescheduled my liver transplant!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 1994's comic on:

Tags #personal life, #engineering project, #mission, #find girlfreind, #feasible alternatives, #calculate attractiveness, #buying power, #attractive baboon, #face transplant

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Dilbert: "Maybe I should approach my personal life as if it were an engineering project." Dogbert: "What is the mission of this project?" Dilbert: "Find a girlfriend!" Dogbert: "Good. Now consider the feasible alternatives." Dilbert: "Define 'feasible'." Dogbert: "Never mind, let's move on." Dogbert: "Now let's calculate your attractiveness ratio so we can narrow the field of girlfriend options." Dogbert: "Let's see...your buying power narrows the choices to a woman who just got a face transplant from a baboon." Dilbert: "Maybe it was an attractive baboon. I should call her." Dogbert: "Somewhere between desire and engineering lies stupidity."